Random Thoughts Part III

Another day of ranDUMBness...

• Why the hell do I keep a blog? Or why do I still keep one? When I started out this little exercise in procrastination, I was more of a social being and, as a result, had more people actually reading the crap I was spewing. Now that I'm more or less a physical* recluse, this seems really stupid. And yet, it doesn't. It's like talking to myself. "Hey Sean, what did you think of that movie?" "Why, I'll tell you, Sean." Aside from talking to myself, it also allows me to never have to repeat myself when discussing a movie. And, the best thing, is when I start a dialogue with someone and then at some point, I send them the link to this bad boy, it pretty much gives them an idea of who they are dealing with and they can bring their social tape measure to determine how close I'm allowed to get.
• "You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore?"(Andrew Largeman, Garden State)
  That quote perfectly describes how I feel anytime I go my parents' house in Long Island. My mother has completely redone the house since I moved out. Actually, it started as I was getting ready to leave. This isn't the first time she's done this but this time, it's like House 3.0. The floors are different, the carpet was removed, the kitchen replaced. There are even new TVs. It always felt weird but yesterday I was walking around this place I called home once and it felt like I had no childhood, like any evidence that I ever lived there has been systematically removed. It's weird to go to the same address you called your own for the better part of your life and having no memories.
• The Onion AV Club's 9 Recent Attempts to Save the Romantic Comedy. I was just saying to my brother who Love Actually is like the new classic romance movie. Not that it's a four star movie that will be studied in film classes ten years from now but it's one of those universally loved movies. I don't know a single soul who dislikes it.
• The Giants are NEVER winning a Super Bowl with Eli Manning at Quarterback. NEVER. I can't imagine what he can do to win back his team but it's clear that his receivers are done with him.
• I love Lost and 24 but The Wire really is the best show on television.
• R&B is a useless genre if you're not with someone. Funny how I don't feel that way about hip-hop even though I'm not rich and I don't or have never sold cocaine.
• Scrubs returns this Thursday...up against Grey's Anatomy and C.S.I. Is it just me or does it feel like every year NBC tries to find a new way to kill this show?
• Speaking of Grey's Anatomy, when I first started watching this show, the only character with unquestionable moral fiber was Preston Burke (Isaiah Washington)**. Who knew that wouldn't last? It's only fitting considering he's the only person who had proven to be a dick in real life.
  

* I saw "physical" because I still keep in touch with many people via Instant Messenger, MySpace and e-mails.
** George was a close second with that whole sleeping with Meredith thing being the only blemish on his character.

Continue reading Random Thoughts Part III

The Lost Pages of Melanism.com

These are some of the pages I had made when I was doing this site strictly via HTML without the help of Blogger back in 2001. Who knew I'd still be procrastinating to this day?

• The original main page
  
• My self-description
• My favorite quotes from Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo's faux self-help book, Feel This Book : An Essential Guide to Self-Empowerment, Spiritual Supremacy, and Sexual Satisfaction
• Why I Thought Jennifer Lopez Was...Not All That Impressive
• My essay on "The Hypocrisy of Nice Guys"
• The page my friend at NYU (who I won't identify because he has a girlfriend now) wrote as "The Sith Pimp"
• Silly Things Women Do That Annoy Men
  

I would like to think I've matured since then.

Continue reading The Lost Pages of Melanism.com

Random Thoughts Part II

Just some random nonsense...

• There has been a lot of Lost backlash over the first part of season three. The main complaint being that it dished out more questions than answers these days. After two seasons, if you haven't figured out that this show does not operate under the principles of "immediate gratification", then you should stop watching. Seriously. Don't watch anymore. Luckily this show rakes in enough money on DVD that it is never in danger of being cancelled, even if the ratings slip.
• Harry Knowles of Ain't It Cool News needs help of the psychiatric variety.
• I think I've "outgrown" hip-hop for the most part. I listened to new albums by The Game and Jim Jones of the Dipset and I thought they were garbage for the most part (between both albums only 9 songs weren't deleted after one lesson). However, most hip-hop magazines and message boards actually think these are hot albums. Sometimes I watch BET and I want to throw up. I think BET actually is making me a racist but that's another post. Hip-Hop like basketball is a young person's game I guess. As I look at my iPod and see that this year, there is more indie rock and pop than hip-hop. Actually, every year, there is less and less hip-hop that interests me. That said, I'm still looking forward to Jay-Z, Nas, MF Doom, The Clipse and Ghostface's upcoming album. I don't know. Is it just that I have an old ear? I feel like William in Mallrats staring at the Magic Eye poster looking for the ship.
  
• Speaking of my iPod, I'm down to 300 MB left on my 60 GB iPod. I've managed to hold out for a month now, deleting a song or two a day, then adding an album but I'm either going to have to part with a lot of music or I'm going to have to buckle down and buy an 80 GB. It's sad because jazz is always the first to go.
  
• In a perfect world, everyone would be watching Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Grey's Anatomy and The Wire.
• Even though between my television watching, my Netflix movies, going out to the movies and my general chores (laundry, ironing, laziness, etc.) I barely have time to play video games any more, I REALLY want to buy Guitar Hero II. Maybe it will convince me to have people over every once and awhile. It just looks like too much fun.
  
• The Shins' Wincing The Night Away is already my favorite album of 2007
• My favorite albums from this year right now are Badly Drawn Boy's Born in the U.K., the soundtrack for Shortbus, Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton' Knives Don't Have Your Back, Amy Winehouse's Back to Black and The Dears' Gang of Losers.
• Since when did People Magazine become Out magazine? They've "outed" Lance Bass from *NSync, T.R. Knight from Grey's Anatomy and now Neil Patrick Harris from How I Met Your Mother. And yet, Tom Cruise eludes them.
• I still want to learn French but c'mon, let's not kid ourselves.
• My boss for the last two Christmas gave gift certificates to iTunes Music Store. The first was for $200 (!) and the second for $50. Do you know how much I have left? $161. If I know I can get it um...elsewhere, I won't buy it. Too bad I can't use it towards an iPod.

Continue reading Random Thoughts Part II

The "Perfect" Relationship

While talking to Kristy this morning, I came up with the ideal relationship...at least for me...

• I would only see her 6-7 months out of the whole year. Maybe 2-3 weeks at a time.
• The only correspondence when we are apart are handwritten or typed letter (no e-mail, text messaging, instant messaging, phone calls only for birthdays--although I'm up in the air about this because the birthday card serves the same purpose--and emergencies)

Now automatically you are thinking, "That is incredibly stupid." and even as I said, I thought so too. The reasons are equally silly:

• There would be all the "missing" that comes with a long distance relationship without any of the tediousness of talking on the phone everyday just to remain in contact.
• How hard would it be to argue over pen and pad?
• I'll be honest. I'm better on paper than I am on the phone.
• You get to skip all the boring "How was your day?" conversations that eventually you weigh down.
  
• With all the technology making everything about getting whatever it is as soon as possible, I miss handwritten letters-writing, sending, reading and re-reading. E-mail isn't the same.
• A relationship like this is pretty easy to end.
  

Ok, even the reasons are stupid. But that's what fantasies are. Admit it, you like it a little bit.

Continue reading The "Perfect" Relationship

Lemonade

Too much is made about the negatives of being single so I decided to point out some silver linings in the clouds...at least that is relevant to me:

• You don't have to watch a TV show or movie you hate in the spirit of "fairness"
• You don't have to cringe every time she orders something she wouldn't have gotten if she knew she was paying
• Everyone else in your life gets better presents because you don't have to save up for that one "special" present around the holidays
• You know those nasty habits that you usually lose when you have a girlfriend? They aren't nasty anymore.
• You get to stop watching that other soap opera that comes with being in a relationship, "Her Job," starring a bunch of people you may or may not have met but seem to know every detail about.
• The only time you'll hear "I hate when you..." or "How can you..." is during an intervention
• You don't have to stylistically match someone when you go out (i.e. if you are going to a party and she's dressed up, you can't wear the Urban Outfitters t-shirt and sandals)

If I ever get another girlfriend, I'll probably delete this post so enjoy it for the next 2 years.

Continue reading Lemonade

Flank 2 Position

The new code word for all bar/club/lounge/party situations when you are talking to someone who you don't want to be talking to and you need a rescue.

Mark my words.

Continue reading Flank 2 Position

Brutal Honesty

When your platonic friend responds to a neutral query if you two are dating like "What? No. Sean? Nope, Absoltutley NOTHING going on there. Why the hell would you think that?".

I felt like a leper.

Continue reading Brutal Honesty

In Hell... (Part 1)

...I bet all there is to drink is TheraFlu...and no sugar.

Continue reading In Hell... (Part 1)

There's nothing worse than...

...when someone ruins your joke with their real life tragedies.

Example:
"My boss was all over me like a cancer."
"Yeah, my mom has cancer. It spreads really quickly."
"....um, yeah."

I know this sounds reallly insensitive but it very Debbie Downer-ish.

Let me have my joke and kill the vibe later.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way...

Continue reading There's nothing worse than...

Bad for Business

With the number of unwed mothers on the rise and more and more people willing to accept not getting married...are the makers of wedding bands and engagment rings suffering through tough times or what?

Used to be when getting someone knocked up was an easy wedding ring/engagement ring sale...like selling a tire to a guy with a flat.

Times have changed.

Now guys are going into the store thinking, "Maybe I can ride this one out. Maybe she'll just want to be my longtime girlfriend."

They must have monthly meetings where every once and awhile someone cries out in despair, "Damn you, Kurt Russell!"

Continue reading Bad for Business

Driving through Harlem

I don't know which I hate more:



or


Both make me want to punch the wearer of said shirt square in the chest.

I think the "Stop Snitching" shirts bother me the most because these are the same cats crying about "Who shot Bigge Smalls?" and "who shot Tupac?"

Maybe if there was a snitch, we'd know.

Continue reading Driving through Harlem

*Hides under kitchen table*

If the Department of Homeland Security can't handle the after-effects of a hurricane it KNEW was coming, how am I to believe that they are ready to handle a SURPRISE terrorist attack?

And, damnit, I don't have a kitchen table!

Continue reading *Hides under kitchen table*

A Message from the MTA (and Melanism.com)

Continue reading A Message from the MTA (and Melanism.com)

I associate with morons

A conversation I had with a friend via Instant Messenger

[10:46] Friend: DUDE
[10:48] Sean: ?
[10:49] Friend: I am not so clearheaded from last night,cuz i went out drinking for my friend's birthday, and someone at work just pointed out to me I am wearing a different pair of shoe on each foot today!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
[10:49] Sean: HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
[10:52] Friend: i have a grey sketcher on one foot and a white on the other
[10:52] Sean: do u have a camera phone
[10:58] Friend: yes
[10:58] Friend: i will send u a picture
[11:09] Friend: just sent it
[11:10] Friend: to your work addy

[11:10] Sean: YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT
[11:11] Friend: i am fucking hungover
[11:12] Friend: i just reached down, grabbed the first available lefty and righty shoes i guess
[11:12] Friend: hmmmm, so maybe that cute girl on the train wasn't checking me out after all...

Continue reading I associate with morons

Looking Down at the Little People

I realized yesterday that true advancement at your job is not your title or your salary...

It's having things that are beneath you to do at work. Because that's what those two things really signify.

Like when something needs to get photocopied, you can look at that and say not my job. Ask someone else.

Nothing is more humorous than a person who was at the bottom realize that something is now beneath them.

That last fleeting look at the copier and fax machine like "Goodbye old friend, I'll never see you again. Be nice to my assistant/intern. They will be representing me now."

In that regard, I have accomplished nothing.

Continue reading Looking Down at the Little People

Manual Labor

A co-worker asked me if I wanted kids to which I replied:

"Of course, I don't want to be doing the dishes for the rest of my life."

Seriously, who wants to be 50 years old taking out the trash and shit?

That's what kids are for.

Dishes and trash and the occasional joys in life.

But dishes and trash come first.

I want to come home from work, sit in front of the television and yell "Did you take out the trash yet?"

Continue reading Manual Labor

Split Decision

Question for the ladies...

Since when does the split in your skirt go in the front?

I thought it was always the back or maybe the side.

But lately, I've been seeing these women with the slit in the front sometimes leads to seeing something I shouldn't be seeing without their permission.

There has been a couple of cases at work where I had to tell some other women to talk to the offender because better them than me & a sexual harassment case.

But I think next time I see this, I'm gonna go up to the young lady and whisper her underwear color in her ear and then walk away.

"Pink."
--Superman from Superman: The Movie

Continue reading Split Decision

How's the weather up there?

I'm not that short.

I'm about 5'9".

I hate tall women.

And not because I am unattracted to them because there are some beautiful tall women up there.

I hate them because the second you see them and make eye contact...you are immediately deducted a point.

Actually a point for every inch that they are taller than you.

"I need someone who is my height in heels"

Screw you.

After singing a little Skee-Lo*, I find myself wishing ill on them...

Hoping they bump their pretty little heads on low doorway entrances.

Sorry. I know that came across as mean.

*"I Wish"

Continue reading How's the weather up there?

Rebound Pope?

Let me get this straight

Pope John Paul died at the age of 84

Pope Benedict is already 78.

That sounds like a term limit to me.

Did they give this guy a physical?

It seems to me that they were in there like "Our relationship with John Paul lasted so long. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment right now. Let's pick John. Sounds like he had a pretty bad cough in the bathroom."

Continue reading Rebound Pope?

Is there anything more American than...

...piggin out with a Diet Coke?

Continue reading Is there anything more American than...

Kevin Federline

His sperm must wear glasses.

I think he had Lasik done on his scrotum.

Because his boys can SWIM!

He better not cheat. He'll knock that girl up in a minute.

Continue reading Kevin Federline

I Weep for the Future

Every once and awhile, while hanging out with my friends or my brother, I am struck with a thought that terrorizes me and should terrorize every living human being...

These silly ass fools, myself included, may have children one day and be responsible for their well-being.

What screwed up little monster they will be...

God have mercy on the world we leave behind.

Continue reading I Weep for the Future

The definition of sexism

I am at this party and the lady bartender ("bartendress"?) is kinda cute...

But aren't they always?

Then it hit me...

Female bartending is probably the second most sexist industry in America (although they are cute in the UK too)

The first being stripping.

Think about it.

Have you ever seen an ugly female bartender? Not necessarily attractive to you but you can definately see why she could be viewed as attractive to someone else.

Shit, have you ever seen a fat female bartender (in the bar owner defense, it would be hard for a big woman to navigate behind the bar)?

It's like that diner Elaine went to in "Seinfeld" where all the waitresses had large breasts.

(I know...I watch too much TV)

Continue reading The definition of sexism

Rules and Regulations b/w I'm in love again

So on Saturday I sent to The Brooklyn Museum to see the Basquiat exhibit. My friends were running late so I was waiting outside playing with my Sidekick II (yes...I have a Sidekick II now--coupled with my iPod--I am officially overdoing it) and I found myself staring at this sign:


(this was taken with my Sidekick II)

Now, the first 10 rules make perfect sense but "Barbecuing"?

Because it was last I have to presume it was an addendum.

I wanna know who was the first to be like "Well, ya'll didn't say I COULDN'T barbecue in front of the Museum"

------------------------------------------------

I'm in love again.

I have to admit...it was love at first sight.

I was watching The L Word season premiere a month ago and then this heavenly angel walked on the screen and my brother and I both said "WHO THE F*CK IS THAT"

I will never miss an episode.

Sara Shahi, this is my open proposal of marriage.

Take your time. Think about it.

Continue reading Rules and Regulations b/w I'm in love again