The 200 Greatest Television Shows I Ever Watched

By "greatest", I do not mean the pinnacle of the art form (although some of these shows definitely fit the bill). After looking all over Wikipedia, I pulled out the 200 shows that I loved since I was able to remember what I was watching on television. The original goal was 100 but, obviously, I've watched a lot of TV in my 30 years of life and I didn't have the heart to pare this list down to 100.

If it wasn't outright canceled, a lot of these shows saw drops in quality before they were taken off the air. This list was developed looking at the shows during their creative peak (in my opinion). Some of these shows were canceled during their creative peak which is why I remember them so fondly.

Anyway, let's get on with it.

In alphabetical order (all links are to the show's Wikipedia page):

• 24
• 21 Jump Street
• 30 Rock
• The 4400
  
• A Different World
• Action
• Alf
• Alias
• Alice
• Alien Nation
• All in The Family
• Alvin & The Chipmunks
• American Gladiators
• Andy Richter Controls the Universe
• Angel
• Animaniacs
• Anything But Love
• Arrested Development
• Batman (1966 TV Series)
  
• Batman: The Animated Series
• Battle of the Planets
• Battlestar Galatica (2004)
• The Ben Stiller Show
• Beverly Hills, 90210
• Bewitched
• Bobby's World
• Boy Meets World
• The Brady Bunch
• Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer
• Carnivàle
• Chappelle's Show
• Charles in Charge
• The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show
• Cheers
• The Chris Rock Show
• Clarissa Explains It All
• The Cosby Show
• Coupling (BBC)
• The Critic
• Curb Your Enthusiasm
• The Daily Show
• Daria
• Davey and Goliath
• Dawson's Creek
• Deadwood
• Def Comedy Jam
• Degrassi Junior High
  
• Degrassi High
• Dexter
• Diff'rent Strokes
• Doogie Howser, M.D.
• Double Dare
• Doug
• Dream On
• DuckTales
• Eight Is Enough
  
• The Electric Company
• The Facts of Life
• The Family Guy
• Family Ties
• Fat Albert & The Cosby Kids
• Firefly
• The Flash
  
• The Flintstones
• Freaks and Geeks
• The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
• Friday Night Lights
• Friends
• Futurama
• G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero
• Galaxy High
• Garfield & Friends
• Gargoyles
  
• Get A Life
• The Get Along Gang
• Grey's Anatomy
• Growing Pains
• Happy Days
• Head of the Class
• Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats
• He-Man & The Masters Of The Universe
• Herman's Head
  
• The Honeymooners
• House
  
• How I Met Your Mother
• I Dream of Jeannie
• I Love Lucy
• In Living Color
• The Incredible Hulk
• The Incredible Hulk (1982 cartoon)
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
• It's Garry Shandling's Show
• Jackass
• The Jeffersons
• The Jetsons
• Jim Henson's Muppet Babies
• Just The Ten Of Us
• Justice League Unlimited
• Kate & Allie
• Kids in the Hall
• Kids Incorporated
• The L Word
  
• Laff-A-Lympics
• The Larry Sanders Show
  
• Laverne & Shirley
• Law & Order
• Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
• Little Britain
  
• The Littles
• Looney Toons
• Lost
• Malcolm in the Middle
• Married… With Children
• Martin
• Max Headroom
• Melrose Place
• Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures
• Monk
  
• The Monkees
• Monty Python's Flying Circus
• Mork & Mindy
• Mr. Show
• My So-Called Life
• Ned & Stacey
• NewsRadio
• Nip/Tuck
  
• The Odd Couple
• The Office (BBC)
• The Office (NBC)
• Out of This World
• Oz
• Parker Lewis Can't Lose
• The Partridge Family
  
• Pee Wee's Playhouse
• Profit
• Punky Brewster
• Pushing Daisies
  
• Queer As Folk (Showtime)
  
• Reading Rainbow
• The Real World
• Remote Control
• The Ren & Stimpy Show
• Reno 911!
• Rescue Me
• Roc
• Rome
• Roseanne
• Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In
• Samurai Jack
• Saturday Night Live
• Saved By The Bell
• SCTV
• Scooby Doo, Where Are You!
  
• Scrubs
  
• Seinfeld
• Sesame Street
• Sex and the City
• The Shield
• Shirt Tales
• Silver Spoons
• The Simpsons
• Six Feet Under
• Sledge Hammer!
• Small Wonder
  
• The Smurfs
• The Sopranos
• South Central
• South Park
• Spaced
• Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends
• Superman: The Animated Series
• Tales from the Crypt
• The Three Stooges
• Three's Company
• Thundercats
• The Tick (cartoon)
  
• Tiny Toon Adventures
• Too Close For Comfort
• The Tracey Ullman Show
  
• Transformers
• Undeclared
• V (TV series)
• The Venture Bros.
  
• Veronica Mars
• Voltron
• Weeds
• Welcome Back, Kotter
• What's Happening!!
• Who's the Boss?
• Wings
• The Wire
• Wonder Showzen
  
• The Wonder Years
  
• The Woody Woodpecker Show
  
• Xena: Warrior Princess
• The X-Files
  
• X-Men (1992 Cartoon)
  
• Yo! MTV Raps
• You Can't Do That On Television

All shows in bold are still on the air so it's not too late!

Continue reading The 200 Greatest Television Shows I Ever Watched

I Fought The Future And Won

Beginning in May, I began a Netflix project. Being an avid Lost disciple, I wanted to watch one of its forefathers, The X-Files. Despite seeing the movie in the theaters, I had only watched a handful of episodes over the course of its nine seasons. I hate jumping on a show like this from the middle.

I burned through the first three seasons pretty quickly but when summer movie season and then the new fall television rolled around, I found it harder & harder to find time to watch episodes especially when the quality started to lessen.

Luckily, the TV strike came around and I found tons of free time to watch the occasional episode.

Last week, I finally finished the entire thing.

Here are a couple of stray thoughts:

• The first six seasons were great. Period. But after that it got bad pretty quickly. Once they added Reyes and put the whole search for Mulder thing behind them, the show got okay again until the end.
• It was funny watching the evolution of Gillian Anderson. She was very "plane jane" for the first few season and then all of the sudden, she got a haircut, started wearing nice suits and she became hot. I'm in love with her now.
• The biggest problem with the post-Mulder seasons were the attempts to make Doggett the new Scully and have Scully be the old Mulder. They rectified this with Agent Reyes but then they made another mistake by making Reyes and Doggett the new "Will they/Won't they" agents.
  
• They mythology never made sense.
  

Next up, Twin Peaks (once season one becomes available on Netflix)

Continue reading I Fought The Future And Won

New Lost Season Four Trailer

Click picture for all types of awesomeness

Continue reading New Lost Season Four Trailer

Lost Season Four Trailer

Too bad there are only eight episodes...

Continue reading Lost Season Four Trailer

Fall TV 2007: Thoughts and Comments

After my initial Fall schedule, there were early casualties. Here are some more casualties, additions and thought on new and current shows.

After trying to hold on, I finally had to eliminate Bionic Woman (NBC) and Aliens In America (CW). Aliens In America was a cute show but I didn't care enough about it to keep watching it. Bionic Woman was a bad show that I only stuck around for because of my love for Katee Sackhoff. But no woman is worth that much bad TV.

I picked up Gossip Girl (CW) at the behest of my friends Andrea and Noma. We'll see how long that lasts. I'm also picking up Samantha Who (ABC) and The Big Bang Theory (CBS). I saw the pilot for The Big Bang Theory in the summer and as a part-time geek I was offended. But every once and awhile I check it out in the time between How I Met Your Mother and Heroes and it's gotten much better and some of my fellow part-time/full-time geeks seem to like it so I'll give it another chance.

As far as everything else goes:

• How I Met Your Mother needs to find a way to reintegrate Robin into the fold without it being awkward between her and Ted. I know it's more realistic for there to be awkwardness but it's hurting the show because Robin has these solo adventures that suck while the rest of the group is interacting with one another. The last two episodes have been a step in the right direction
• Yes, Christine, I'm still watching Private Practice. It has greatly improved since the first episode when I hated it so much I wouldn't refer to it by name, only as "That show." The biggest problem with the show is Addison. It's as if Shondra Rhimes developed this show about an alternative medicine practice and as an afterthought threw Addison in there (this very well may be the case). Addison isn't acting like Grey's Anatomy Addison, she's acting like Grey's Anatomy Season 1 & 2 Meredith and that doesn't work for an almost 40 year old character.
• I don't know if its because they are no interns anymore or they can't think of reasons to keep Meredith and Derek apart so they apart "just because" or because they lost two of their better actors (Kate Walsh and Isiah "I didn't call TR Knight a faggot" Washington) I think the magic is gone from Grey's Anatomy and I don't think they'll ever get it back. At least it still has a nice soundtrack.
• Heroes is going nowhere fas. I won't get into it here. I elaborated my problems on my PrepTimePosse post, "Why I'm Not Blogging About Heroes Anymore"
  
• Pushing Daisies is great. It isn't perfect (no show is) but it's the only new show I feel I HAVE to watch the night it airs. An honor only bestowed on a few shows - 24, Lost, The Office, How I Met Your Mother
  
• Friday Night Lights isn't as good as it was last season but I think that's because they weren't expecting to get a season two. I think if they knew from the jump that they were getting a season two, we would a better more focused show. Too many characters have reverted back to their pre-enlightened Season one selves (Matt, Smash, Riggins) and I won't even talk about the The Bad Thing (coined by Alan Sepinwall). It's still better than most shows on TV.
• The Imaginationland trilogy on South Park, which concluded tonight, has been some of the best South Park in years. How is this show still so good after 10 seasons?
• My Name Is Earl is also having some of its best episodes ever but no one's noticed because it's airing before critical darlings, 30 Rock and The Office.
• The Office should avoid doing full hour episodes from now on. It was a noble experiment but a failure except for the last one hour episode. Darryl is the new Creed.

Are there any shows I'm not watching that I should?

Continue reading Fall TV 2007: Thoughts and Comments

Fall TV Season 2007 - Early Casualties

After I spent all that time preparing my Fall schedule, the following shows have already been eliminated:

• Tell Me You Love Me (HBO)
  
• Prison Break (FOX) - Replaced with Chuck (NBC)
• Journeyman (NBC)
• Carpoolers (ABC)
• Big Shots (ABC)

Thanks for playing, TV executives.

Continue reading Fall TV Season 2007 - Early Casualties

Watch Pushing Daisies Tonight!

8 PM on ABC
Trust me. You won't regret it...

Continue reading Watch Pushing Daisies Tonight!

Heroes Season Two Random Thoughts

For the comic book blog I contribute to, PrepTimePosse, I decided to start writing comments on this season of Heroes. Here are links to the first two and check out the rest every Tuesday:

• Episode One: Four Months Later
• Episode Two: Lizards
  

Continue reading Heroes Season Two Random Thoughts

Don't Call Me During...: Fall 2007 Edition

Christine, one of my five semi-faithful readers, reminded me that haven't done this yet, let's begin:

New shows in yellow

Sunday: (4 hours)
8:00-8:30: The Simpsons (FOX)
9:00-10:00: Desperate Housewives (ABC) - I didn't watch this for most of last season but Nathan Fillon (Fox's Firefly) is joining the cast, I'll have to start watching again
9:00-10:00: Tell Me You Love Me (HBO) - If they were going to have unnecessarily explicit sex, couldn't they find a walk-on role for a porn star or two?
10:00-11:00: Brothers and Sisters (ABC)
10:00-10:30: Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)

Monday: (4 hours)
8:00-9:00: Prison Break (FOX) - Every year I say I'll stop watching this ridiculous show. Every year I come back.
8:00-8:30: How I Met Your Mother (CBS) - If this was on NBC, it would be a hit
8:30-9:00: Aliens in America (CW) - I keep hearing good things so i will check it out
9:00-10:00: Heroes (NBC) - They better redeem themselves from that craptastic finale
10:00-11:00: Journeyman (NBC) - I heard bad things about this but it stars Kevin McKidd (Vorenus from HBO's Rome) so I'll give it a chance

Tuesday: (4.5 hours)
8:00-9:00: Bones (FOX) - I think I'm the only person I know who watches this show. Pity.
8:30-9:00: Carpoolers (ABC) - If it lasts longer than Sons & Daughters, I'll be impressed.
9:00-10:00: House (FOX) - You win, Andrea.
9:00-10:00: Reaper (CW) - The pilot was cool but it will be interesting to see if the show is good or was it just that Kevin Smith (who directed the pilot) turned a piece of shit into a silent fart
10:00-11:00: Nip/Tuck (F/X) - Last season was really hit-or-miss (a lot of missing) but the new Hollywood setting should help. Christian's dick might fall off.

Wednesday: (5 hours)
8:00-9:00: Pushing Daisies (ABC) - If I could watch only one new show this season, this would be it. Please don't cancel it, ABC.
9:00-10:00: Private Practice (ABC) - I know what you're thinking and don't worry, I want it to get canceled to but I would hate for Tim Daly to have his third canceled show on ABC Wednesday nights (Eyes and The Nine, which were better than this shit)
9:00-10:00: Bionic Woman (NBC) - The pilot was okay but Katee Sackhoff (Starbuck from Sci-Fi's Battlestar Galactica) plays the villain. I love her. I'm allowed one guilty pleasure
10:00-11:00: Dirty Sexy Money (ABC) - Peter Krause is back on TV where he belongs.
10:00-10:30: South Park (COM)
10:30-11:00: The Sarah Silverman Program (COM)

Thursday: (5.5 hours)
8:00-8:30: My Name Is Earl (NBC) - Poison Ivy: The New Seduction to Emmy-winning actress. Way to go, Jaime Pressly.
8:00-9:00: Ugly Betty (ABC) - Sorry Smallville. You had a good run but you've been bumped.
8:30-9:00: The Office (NBC) - I hope the Jim/Pam thing doesn't ruin the show
9:00-9:30: 30 Rock (NBC) - Well deserved Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series. Now hopefully it goes the way of The Office and not the way of Arrested Development (the previous two poorly-rated winners of the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series)
9:00-10:00: Grey's Anatomy (ABC) - Please redeem this show, Shondra.
9:30-10:00: Scrubs (NBC) - Hopefully this is the last season (Sorry, Ang)
10:00-10:30: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (F/X) - The funniest show you are not watching
10:00-11:00: Big Shots (ABC) - Good idea, ABC. Put the show about guys who sleep with everything that walk and are cocky about after the two chick shows.

Friday: (1 hour)
9:00-10:00: Friday Night Lights (NBC) - Listen, you don't have to watch it live. DVR and watch it over the weekend. JUST WATCH IT!!!

Shows I'll Be Downloading: Weeds (SHOW), Dexter (SHOW), Chuck (NBC), Smallville (CW)

So not including shows I am going to download, that is 24 hours of television I have committed to watching.

Don't ever ask me again why I am single.

Continue reading Don't Call Me During...: Fall 2007 Edition

The Office - What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Continue reading The Office - What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Freaks and Geeks Rewind

My favorite thing to do this summer is to read Alan Sepinwall's blog, What's Alan Watching. He's the TV Critic for the New Jersey Star Ledger.

This summer, he decided to revisit one of the greatest high school shows ever, Freaks and Geeks and review every episode. He just posted the last episode recap today.

You can read them all here.

Continue reading Freaks and Geeks Rewind

Boondocks Season Two trailer

Continue reading Boondocks Season Two trailer

Flight of the Conchords: ''If You're Into It''

Continue reading Flight of the Conchords: ''If You're Into It''

If You Don't Watch Flight of the Conchords...

...here's what you depriving yourself of.

Continue reading If You Don't Watch Flight of the Conchords...

The Sopranos Finale

Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
- "Don't Stop Beliving" by Journey
(The last song playing before the screen goes black)

Well played, Chase. Well played.

Continue reading The Sopranos Finale

Summer TV

Just because the majors - 24, Lost - are on hiatus doesn't mean my DVR won't get some work...

Week of June 4
John From Cincinnati (HBO)

Week of June 11
Big Love (HBO)
Rescue Me (FX)
The 4400 (USA)
Entourage (HBO)
Flight of the Conchords (HBO)

Week of July 9
Eureka (SCI-FI)
Psych (USA)

Week of July 30
My Boys (TBS)
Weeds (SHO)

It's not that I don't like these shows as much as the big time shows, it's just that - with a couple of exceptions like Big Love, Entourage and Weeds - I don't know enough people who watch the show so there's no one to talk to or bounce thoughts off.

Let me know if you watch any of these shows and I'll be sure to seek you out post-airing.

Continue reading Summer TV

Lost Season Three: "Through the Looking Glass"

In various interviews, Tim Kring, creator of Heroes, constantly went out of his way to say his show isn't like Lost in a negative way. You know what, Tim? You should be so fucking lucky.

What I Liked:

• As I sat at work anticipating this episode, avoiding spoilers, I tried to figure out who might die and it occurred to me that anyone could die at this point. Usually the sign a character is going to die is flashbacks come to some sort of resolution. We learn every facet of what made the person on the island. This season, we basically wrapped up everyone's past - Locke's dad, Kate's dad and mom, Sayid getting forgiveness, Sawyer getting his revenge, how Jack got his tattoo (I know...who cared). The point is there was nowhere else to go so everybody was vulnerable. How I underestimated Cuse and Lindelof? The flashback is over. The flash forward begins
• I know some people hate Jack and some people want someone to punch Jack in the face (I'm not one of them), but Matthew Fox carried this episode acting-wise from his future self, his five minutes with Ben when he thought Jin, Bernard and Sayid were killed and his final showdown with Locke. Seriously, I hope the Emmys don't ignore Lost in the acting categories this time around.
• There was all types of bad assery: Jack kicking Ben's ass, Hurley's rescue in Roger's van, Sayid pulling a Jack Bauer, Sawyer's revenge kill on Friendly, Locke throwing a knife in Naomi's back and Mikhail's underwater grenade pull
• Two best quotes of the night
• "If you say 'live together, die alone' to me, Jack, I'm gonna punch you in your face." - Rose (after Jack told them they weren't waiting for Sayid, Bernard and Jin)
  
• "I didn't believe him." - Sawyer (after shooting Tom Friendly in cold blood)
  
• Charlie died. Ok, I wish he didn't die. There! Are you happy?

What I Didn't Like:

• I wish ABC didn't list Malcolm David Kelly in the opening credits so Walt's appearance would have been more of a surprise
• Jack's kiss with Juliet and saying "I love you" to Kate seemed out of place and pointless.
• Jack's AWFUL fake beard
• I wish we got more of Locke
• The anticlimactic reunion of Alex and Danielle
• I'm mad at myself for not figuring out the flash forward thing sooner

What We Learned On The Island:

• Ben was keeping the fact that Looking Glass was still functioning a secret to everyone
• Everyone were told the girls guarding it - Greta and Bonnie - were on assignment in Canada
• Ben was keeping Alex and Karl apart because he didn't want her to get pregnant
• Bernard is a bitch
• Danielle recorded her distress signal three days before Alex was born
• Naomi is not working for Penny
• Jin is a poor shot with a handgun
• Mikhail is a poor shot with a machine gun in broad daylight and a stationary target
• Tying up and gagging Sayid does not necessarily mean he can't kill you
• There is a "temple" on the island
• Walt's ghost is about 6 inches taller than real Walt
• Mikhail is an immortal. Ok that's not true but it sure feels that way doesn't it

What We Learned Off The Island:

• Jack and Kate got off the island (!)
• Jack became a pill-popping drunk
• While trying to jump off a bridge, he caused a woman driving with her son to crash her car. Jack saved their life
• Jack attends a funeral for someone that both him and Kate knew
• Oceanic Airlines gave the survivors unlimited miles which Jack uses hoping to crash on the island
• Kate has a "he" to go home to
• Jack is trying to get back on the island.

Questions:

• How did they get off the island?
• Who didn't get off the island?
• What "mistake" is Jack tired of "lying about"?
  
• Who's funeral was that? (My guess: Ben)
• Who is the "he" Kate has to go home to?
• Is Jack's father alive?
• Is this the absolute future or a possible future?
• Was that Jacob appearing as Walt?
• After all the things that have happened to Locke, now he decides to kill himself?
• Who is Naomi working for?
• I know Charlie thought he was going to die but why did he rat out Juliet as his source for finding the underwater hatch? What if he ruined everything with his big fucking mouth?
  
• Is Mikhail really dead this time?
• Did Charlie close the door on himself to make Desmond's vision come true saving Claire in his mind or was he too sodding stupid to realize a) he had enough time to get on the other side of that door or b) the moon pool in the other room would have slowed the flooding to a crawl giving them plenty of time to escape?
• How badass is Sayid and Sawyer?
• Will Desmond still get visions? If so, what will he see now?
• what and where is the temple Alpert is leading the remaining Others too?
• Why has Ben been lying to his own people and jamming their communications off the island?
• Why is the cast of NBC's Las Vegas invading Lost? will James Caan be playing Jacob?
• Seriously, did another black character have get killed off the show?
• Can Cuse and Lindelof pull this off?
• Can I survive until February 2008 without Lost?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Through the Looking Glass"

24 Season Six: 4:00 AM - 5:00 AM/5:00 AM - 6:00 AM

Body Count: 49 (+13!)

Sorry this is late but there was nothing to talk about aside from Jack setting the single season kill record.

I'll make this quick so we can forget this season ever happened.

Jack was right, everyone was wrong.

Jack killed 19 people with one clip.

Doyle's blind

Chloe's pregnant

Bill Buchanan, channeling Tony Almeida, goes from not being sure he can fly a helicopter to landing on an oil rig on the sea.

Bill and Karen Hayes are unemployed

Dragonslayer is still a snarky dick.

Josh proves he's Jack's son by getting the drop on Papa Bauer and shooting him

Jack lets Papa Bauer blow up with the chip on the oil rig

Jack ambushes Heller and gets his balls back

Jack says goodbye to Audrey.

Jack contemplates his future (or suicide).

Silent clock for the death of a popular show.

The End

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 4:00 AM - 5:00 AM/5:00 AM - 6:00 AM

R.I.P. Veronica Mars

You'll be missed.

Continue reading R.I.P. Veronica Mars

Lost Season Three: "Greatest Hits"

The Life Aquatic With Charlie Pace

What I Liked:

• The way they built tension for next week's finale. All the pieces are in place
• The return of Rose and Bernard
• Juliet wins the best line of the night award, responding to Karl telling the 815ers that Juliet is a spy: "They know Carl, but thanks!" (it was all in delivery)
• Charlie and Desmond's interaction throughout the episode was great.
• Charlie's "Greatest Hits" flashback. I hope they continue to find interesting ways to do flashbacks from this point forward
• Charlie's goodbye to Hurley was particularly sad
  
• They almost made me not want Charlie to die

What I Didn't Like:

• Everything seemed a little rushed
• Charlie lived

What We Learned:

• There is an underwater station called The Looking Glass (more Alice in Wonderland) that is jamming all communications off of the island except for The Others
• There was a DriveSHAFT Greatest Hits album released when the world thought Charlie was dead (despite having only two albums but hey, even the Fu-Schnickens have a greatest hits album)
• Charlie saved Nadia (Sayid's) from a mugger and she called him a hero
• Bernard can shoot
• The DS ring Charlie wears and bequeaths to Aaron doesn't stand for DriveSHAFT but were his great-grandfather's initials (Dexter Stratton) and was also the inspiration of the band's name
• Naomi is from Manchester
• Charlie can swim (despite saying he couldn't in season one)

Question:

• Did it not occur to anyone that such an important station might have guards?
• Are those guards Others? Dharma Initiative? Mermaids?
• Why did Ben mislead the Others into believing that the Looking Glass was empty and had been flooded?
  
• Why did Charlie lie in season one and say he couldn't swim?
• Why isn't Claire nervous anytime Charlie goes off with Desmond knowing that Desmond gets visions of Charlie dying?
  
• If Charlie dies, will Desmond still get flashes? If so, of what?
• Why did Ben move up the time table to kidnap the women? Was he trying to distract the Others from wondering what happened to Locke?
• I know Ben was lying this time out but does Jacob actually give Ben orders or is he some sort of boogeyman he uses to scare the Others straight?
• Who is Nadia's travel agent? This chick is everywhere.
  
• Did Charlie ever get some from Claire?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Greatest Hits"

Thank You, TV Gods For Renewing...

and



Now, just give me Veronica Mars, and I will stop sacrificing goats in your name.

Continue reading Thank You, TV Gods For Renewing...

24 Season Six: 3:00 AM - 4:00 AM

Body Count: 36 (+6)

For all the shit I talked about Jack's kills this season, he's on course to break Season Four record of 44 kills. Fingers crossed.

Big Trouble In Little CTU
So the Chinese grab Josh and leave to meet up with Cheng. Jack and Nadia come up with a plane to overtake their captors. While they are whispering, Chloe comes up to them like a high schooler saying "Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Chloe really misses her alone time with Jack. With a well-placed headbutt, Jack sets off the attack. Morris tries to choke one of the captors from behind, Nadia busts out some nifty punches and Jack continues this season's penchant for creative kills by choking out head Chinese merc with his gun strap. Doyle and the rest of CTU show up in time to save Nadia from sharing Milo's fate. Jack wants to run after Josh. Nadia reminds him that he's still under arrest. He ignores her. She accepts that. No one bothers to clean up Milo's body. Division shows up to make CTU look bad AGAIN. Blah Blah Blah

Russian Cocktail
Well, Mike Bishop, Russian spy, is no commercial break lover like President Logan last season as we rejoin this Dragonslayer and Secret Service team in the van waiting for Bishop and Aide Slore to finish up which leads to the funniest line of the season,"Aaaaand finally we're done!" Mark doesn't fall for the bait and the Aide tries to beat up the spy. Guess how that turned out? Anyway, Dragonslayer and team save her from being choked to death and force the spy to send the e-mails. Doesn't matter because Russkie Prez was having his spy monitored and knew the e-mails were fake (Question: Why aren't the Russkies out looking for Cheng if this chip is so fucking important). Presidnt Suvarov gives VP ODB two hours to secure the chip and provide proof or else: WAR! Then the VP sums up the absurdity of this entire season in one line: "We're about to go to war over a piece of circuitry." Indeed.

Chinese Take Out
So Doyle "leads" a team with Jack to recover Josh. "Lead" is in quotes because Jack does all the hard work. He kills his way to Cheng and saves Josh who keeps getting himself into Kim-like trouble. Cheng gets away but now has nothing to bargain with to get the chip from Papa Bauer (Question: How did Cheng even find Papa Bauer? Did he look him up in the Yellow Pages?) So Papa Bauer calls the Vice President (apparently on 24, it's not so hard to get someone in the White House on the phone). He offers to give them the chip in exchange for Josh. VP ODB agrees and Doyle snatches Josh from Bauer and flies off in a helicopter while an entire team of CTU agents holds back Jack. Good, NOW Jack has a reason to kill Doyle.

Bauer Moments to Remember:

• Jack choking out head Chinese merc with his own gunstrap
• During Jack's rescue of Josh, Jack does this amazing slide and shoot with his chicken legs.

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 3:00 AM - 4:00 AM

What does it say about me...

...that I am looking forward to the upcoming season finales, not only for story resolutions and cliffhangers, but because it will give me a break from all the television I have committed myself to watching?

I'll finally be able to read some books, play all those video games that have been piling up, go out without thinking of the television I'm going to catch up with later in the week.

Nevermind. Don't answer that question.

Continue reading What does it say about me...

Lost Season Three: "The Man Behind The Curtain"

Help. Me.

What I Liked:

• When Lost ends in 2010, Terry O'Quinn and Michael Emerson should try and find a project together.
• We finally learned what became of the Dharma Initiative
• While it lasted, I loved seeing tough guy Locke. I felt like he was representing frustrated Lost fans (not me) when he was beating up Mikhail and pushing Ben into a corner to stop his incessant stalling
• The 815ers finally got together and talked. Look how easy that was.

What I Didn't Like:

• I don't think Locke is dead. But if for some crazy reason he is dead. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. THAT.
• Another season, another secret plan by Jack
• Another character, another shitty father. Thank God this show is off the air before Father's Day.

What We Learned:

• Ben was not born on the island. He was born outside of Portland to Emily and Roger Linus in the woods after an ill-advised hike. Emily dies shortly after he is born.
• Roger and Ben (as pre-teen) are brought to the island by Horace Goodspeed, who pulled over along the side of the road to help Emily and Roger when Ben was born.
• Roger is given a job as a Work Man (or what we in the real world would call a Custodial Technician)
• Dharma Group is at war with the Hostiles, the island's original inhabitants
• Ben has a little girlfriend growing up called Annie
• Roger blames Ben for his mother's death and keeps forgetting Ben's birthday.
• Kid Ben sees his mother (wearing the clothes a doll Annie made for him).
• When Kid Ben sneaks into the woods to look for her, he runs into Richard Alpert. He tells Richard that he wants to leave the Dharma group.
• Adult Ben kills his father in the van that Hurley found in "Trisha Tanaka Is Dead" and helps the Hostiles to kill the rest of the Dharma Group
• There is a volcano on the island.
• Naomi is NOT with the others
• Mikhail survived the pylons because they were not set to lethal
• Juliet told Jack about Ben's plan, he just had decided to not share this information until he figured out what to do.
• Jacob lives in the woods in a shack.
• Jacob hates technology.
• Only Ben can see or communicate with Jacob (kind of like Management in HBO's Carnivàle) until Jaocb says "help me" to Locke.

Questions:

• What the fuck is Jacob?
• How come only Ben can hear or see him?
• WHat is with the ring of ash around Jacob's shack?
  
• Did Annie die with the rest of the Dharma Initiative?
• Were there other Dharma members who defected to the Others?
• How is Richard the same age now he was when he met Ben as a kid?
• If Richard has been around for so long with the Others, how come Ben is in charge and not him?
• Is any of the Others supporting Ben at this point?
• How did the Others get to the island?
• Who goes hiking when they are seven months pregnant?
• Was the dynamite Danielle got from the Black Rock for Jack's plan?
  
• Can the island heal a bullet wound? If so, can it hurry?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "The Man Behind The Curtain"

24 Season Six: 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM

Body Count: 30 (+5)

Even when Jack doesn't go looking for trouble, trouble goes looking for Jack

Political Espinoge - The Skinemax Edition:
Let's get the stupid (or stupider) part out of the way. Dragonslayer and ODB get VP Aide Slore to call her snitch of a lover and tell him that they got the component back so that he can tell the Chinese. Then she's supposed to go over there and leave him alone with her PDA so he can go through it. So with Dragonslayer and some men in a van outside, Aide Slore tried to execute the plan but fails because snitch just wants to get laid and isn't letting her out of his sight. It was a comedy of error. So now they are probably having sex with Dragonslayer watching in the van after requesting for some privacy.

Assault at CTU (Part 4):
Audrey and Heller are gone (Thank God). Jack is still under arrest. Chloe decides that Marilyn needs to know all this information and see Jack so that she can hover over this dead relationship carcass like a vulture. Meanwhile, Chloe and Morris and Nadia and Milo are sorting out their love lives with Silver Spoons is doing the cliched "We're in the wrong place" thing in his hunt for Cheng.

Now this is how easy it is to infiltrate CTU. It wasn't even Cheng initial plan to break into CTU. This is something he put together (with outside help but still) in a little over an hour.

The Chinese mercenaries break in and start shooting. They ask who's in charge. Nadia freezes and Milo is like, "I'm in charge here". BAM! Bullet in the forehead. R.I.P. Milo. You died like you lived: trying to get laid. The security guard opens Jack cell before he gets shot. Jack takes his gun and killing time. The last thing you want to give Jack Bauer is home court advantage. You think Cheng might have warned them that Bauer was in the building. Jack saves Marilyn and Josh (side note: he continues to prove he's Bauer's son because he hasn't slept this entire day) and they realize the Chinese are after Josh. Jack helps Josh escape but him and Marilyn get captured as a result. Now, why the Chinese don't put a bullet in Jack's head right now is beyond me. He is sitting on the ground staring at them like a rabid dog. The head merc gets Josh to come back by threatening to kill Marilyn. I was hoping that Josh's pants would get caught on something and he would be too late to save her. Oh well. Then we realize that the Chinese were obtaining Josh for Papa Bauer(!) who is fixing the broken chip in exchange for Josh, the kid who he threatened to kill 8 hours ago or so.

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM

Lost Season Three: "The Brig"

My name is James Ford. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

What I Liked:

• Say what you will about season three but this season has produced some of the best Lost episodes ever...including this one.
• Finally a connection between two castaways has some sort of payoff
• Josh Holloway's Emmy reel will come from this episode
• The backstory showing us what Locke's been up to since we last saw him.
• The divisions amongst the castaways AND the Others
• Um, Naomi is cute and had my favorite line of the night: "Remind me not to save you, Sayid"

What I Didn't Like:

• How Kate went over to Jack at Mach 5 speeds to spill the beans about Naomi

What We Learned:

• Sawyer is still Kate's booty call
• The Others have apprently been "waiting" for Locke
• Ben's plan for the 815ers: kidnap all the pregnant women
• Oceanic Flight 815 was found at the bottom of the ocean near Bali, all the bodies were accounted for
• Naomi is part of a company hired by Penelope Widmore to find Desmond using the coordinates she got at the end of Season Two after the Hatch imploded
• The ship Naomi came from is about 80 miles away from the island
• According to Alpert, Ben is purposely trying to make Locke look bad in front of the Others
• Cooper was kidnapped after a car crash
• Cooper is Tom Sawyer, the man who conned James' mother.
• After all he's been through on the island, somehow that letter James wrote when he was a little kid is still intact

Questions:

• Is there really a schism in the Others faction or was Alpert doing exactly what Ben wanted him to do by getting Locke to get Sawyer to kill Cooper?
• Did all the Others have to do something for their initiation?
• Why does Danielle need dynamite?
• What secret is Juliet and Jack keeping?
• Why did Ben tell Locke about his plan to kidnap the pregnant women on the island?
• what bodies did they find in the wreckage of flight 815?
• Why does the island heal everyone so quickly?
• When will Locke and Danielle realize they are perfect for one another?
• Like Inigo Montoya, now that James has finally gotten his revenge on Cooper, what's left?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "The Brig"

24 Season Six: 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM

Body Count: 25 (0)

A mole, relationship problems during a crisis, conflict between CTU and Division, Jack beating up CTU guards, just another hour in CTU land...

White House Ho
Show surprise, there's a leak and it's in Lisa Miller's drawers. Apparently, VP ODB isn't the only person she's been sleeping with it. Far be it from me to judge her promiscuous ways but syhe just happens to be boning a guy who's linking intel to the Russian which allows them to find out about Cheng getting away with the chip. Little do they know, the chip is broken and now Cheng is looking for someone to fix it. Wait, isn't this how the day started? Morris better not go outside for a smoke break. Anyway, VP ODB tells the Dragonslayer his sob story of being a widower and his feelings for the traitorous slore. Boo hoo! Dragonslayer comes up with a plan to get Lisa to tell her booty call they found the chip so World War III won't have to start.

CTU Days of our Lives
After Nadia denied Morris of his transfer due to hurt feelings, he dumps Chloe with some now-trademark face touching. He leaves her crying and now she appears to be missing (Chinese?). Division sends a psychologist to deal with catatonic Audrey which Jack is being detained in another room. The doc, who probably has degrees and experience in this sort of thing, tells them that they are going to give her some drugs to try as get much information as possible, possibly killing her. I don't see a problem with this. Jack, who only has a degree in killing people with limited resources, thinks he can cure Audrey just by being Jack Bauer. Doyle in attempt to make the viewers like him sides with Jack and sets him loose on CTU and Division staff like a pit bull in a kindergarten class. He kidnaps Audrey, locks her in a room and eventually she says one word which helps give them a hint to where the Chinese might be.

Heller An Ending
Out of nowhere, Secretary of Defense (still?) Heller is at Audrey's bedside. Before he gets her out of there, he talks to Jack and tells her to stay away from his daughters, blaming Jack for her state and telling him that everything he touches dies. If that's true, Jack must have touched one too many writers this season.

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM

Lost Season Three: "D.O.C."

What. The. Fuck?

What I Liked:

• I'm not usually a fan of Yunjin Kim's acting but she was great in this episode. She held her own against the best actress on the show (Elizabeth Mitchell)
• Oh, Juliet. I knew you weren't completely on the side of the Others
• Mikhail's alive! Thank God. He was too cool to kill already.
• Hurley was hilarious: "Ooops", "Mom" and the final "What?"
• Jin knows kung-fu. Sweet roundhouse kick
• We've come full circle on the Jin and Sun backstory

What I Didn't Like:

• I'm sure when he dies it will be heroic on some level and redeem his character on some level but until that moment happens, unfortunately Charlie's still alive.

What We Learned:

• Shortly after she marries Jin, an old woman blackmails Sun for $100,000 unless she will reveal that Jin's mother is a whore
• Sun goes to see Jin's father and learns that a) Jin's mother was promiscuous and b) Jin might not be his son. He makes her promise not to tell Jin either nor that she met him
• Sun goes to her father to get the money no questions asked promising to continue to turn a blind eye to his affairs
• Sun's father says that Jin will have to repay this debt and that's how he ended up being a Korean thug.
• Sun gives the old woman who is Jin's mother the money but threatens that she will have her killed if she sees her again
• Our mysterious guest (listed as Naomi in the credits) speaks Italian, Chinese, Spanish and English
• Juliet lost nine patients
• The winner of the Race to Sun's Ovaries is...Jin!
• History dictates Sun has about two months to live
• The island increases sperm count (Five times more sperm)
• Juliet left a tape recorded message for Ben detailing Sun's pregnancy saying that she will test Kate next (Good luck with that one)
• Apparently in the real world, Oceanic Flight 815 crashed and was found and there were no survivors!

Questions:

• Oceanic Flight 815 crashed and was found and there were no survivors. WHAT THE FUCK?
• How did Mikhail survive or was he faking this whole time?
• Where was Mikhail running to?
• Why did Sun act like she didn't know what Jin was doing for her father?
• Who sent Naomi?
• Is anyone on the island who has sex pretty much going to get pregnant?
• Is Kate pregnant?
• Is Juliet pregnant?
• Why is Juliet helping Ben if she hates him so much?
• Knowing what she knows, was Juliet having sex with Goodwin a suicide attempt?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "D.O.C."

24 Season Six: 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM

Body Count: 25 (+2)

Look like nobody is getting any tonight...

...except Vice President Psycho who has transformed into VP Ol' Dirty Bastard with his creepy line to his assistant Lisa, "Call the media, tell them the acting president's a dirty old man." Gross. Lisa is running home to get her ho bag. Who wants to bet that won't run smoothly.

Karen Hayes Isn't Getting Any...
Because Buchanan was responsible for releasing Fayed when he was in custody before he was anybody, Karen was forced to fire him to protect President Vegetable. It was genuinely sad because Bill has had the longest tenure of any CTU boss and Jack has even had the respect to never pull his gun on him. Which leads to...

Milo Isn't Getting Any...
Milo, who has been an employee of the government for at least seven years, got passed over (actually, not even considered) to be acting director of CTU for Nadia, who if memory serves correctly was a) under arrest and b) had her access limited due to her Muslim descent. Maybe is Milo spent more time focusing on his career and not trying to hook up with his co-workers, he might be somewhere in life. Tony waited until he was acting director to hit on Michelle. Speaking of CTU...

Chloe Isn't Getting Any...
It was good to see the old Chloe come out during her tiff with Morris. "How about don't arm nuclear bombs for terrorists?" As Kelso on That 70's Show would have said...

Jack Isn't Getting Any...
After Jack escapes Doyle, he changes location to a place that CTU can't track him and that he can safely blow himself and Cheng up with the chip. Everything is going according to plan. Jack gets Audrey and sends her up the road (but not before doing that creepy face touching thing he's been doing all season) and he's about to blow the place sky high and who fucks it up...

...that's right, Silver Spoons a.k.a. O'Doyle's, the non-alcoholic Bauer engages the Chinese which allows them to get away with the chip. Jack's under arrest but lo and behold, Audrey is batship crazy and is a couple of cats away from this...

Apparently, Audrey can't withstand a 1/10th of the torture Bauer can. Who's surprised by that.

No Bauer Moments To Remember

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM

Lost Season Three: "Catch-22"

For the record, The Flash can outrun Superman.

What I Liked:

• I always like Desmond episodes even though his story is just depressing
• Kate...changing... Sorry, I'm a man. Sometimes I can't help it
• Charlie and Hurley arguing about Superman and Flash
• Sawyer asking for some "Afternoon Delight" and even offering to make a mixtape
• Sexy Marsha Thomason landing on the island (even though she'll probably be dead by season's end)

What I Didn't Like:

• The backstory was kind of pointless except for Desmond meeting Penny and one interesting easter egg.
• Charlie lives another day
• Now even I'm getting tired of this love square between Sawyer, Jack, Kate and Juliet.

What We Learned:

• One week before he was supposed to get married to a woman named Ruth who he had been seeing for six years, Desmond got drunk and passed out, he was woken up by a Brother Campbell, took this as a sign and joined a monastery.
• He even took a vow of silence
• He was kicked out a) because Brother Campbell did not think being a monk was really Desmond's calling and b) Desmond got drunk on some very expensive monk wine
• On his way out of the monastery, he helped carry some cases of wine to a young ladies car and that's how he met Penny

Questions:

• If Desmond had let Charlie die from the arrow, would it have been Penny who parachuted from the helicopter and not Marsha Thompson?
• What is the effect of Desmond saving Charlie?
• Does the fact that she was carrying a Portuguese copy of Catch-22 and she knew who Desmond was mean that our new island guest is associated with the Portuguese men who Penny hired to help find Desmond?
• What made the helicopter crash?
  
• Why does everyone on this show read deep books? Doesn't anybody just read trashy novels?
• How is there more than one copy of the photo of Desmond and Penny?
• Why is that creepy old lady from Desmond's last flashback in Flashes Before Time in a photo with the monk?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Catch-22"

24 Season Six: 11:00 PM - 12:00 AM

Body count: 23

Jack is rogue and all is right with the world.

How the hell did the Chinese drop Jack Bauer off in Hour one and return with Audrey in Hour 17? Was she on the same plane as Jack? That's the only thing that makes sense. Anyway, considering all that he has put Jack through since Day 4 (forcing him to fake his death, kidnapping and torturing him for two years and kidnapping Audrey), it is safe to say that Cheng Zhi is Jack's true nemesis. Anyway, Jack's probably going to kill him like all his nemeses.

I own you, Mister Bauer

On to the show, Jack tries to steal the component for Chang with the help of Chloe (Shock surprise). It's almost laughable how easy it for Jack to convince Chloe to commit treason. unfortunately for Chloe, Morris, who's computer she used, is actually as smart as she is and figured it out pretty quickly forcing her to confess to Buchanon. Jack gets the part after using a Jedi Mind Trick on the two soldiers guarding the nukes (who takes someone WORD that they have a Presidential order to tamper with nukes?) but Silver Spoons stops him and he's put under arrest.

Jack asks to speak to the President who, let me remind you, is a Palmer so you know how this goes. Jack verbally beats Baby Palmer into submission (Mr. President, you OWE me!") to going along with his plan to destroy the chip before the Chinese can use it, even if it means blowing himself up in the process.

Now that the nukes are gone, the White House staff returns to the Oval Office. After Dragonslayer tells Baby Palmer about the attempted perjury, President Palmer asks for Vice President Psycho's resignation which he refuses. Then Baby Palmer with his new balls grown via shots of adrenaline, pretty much blackmails him into resigning which he's about to do after a private, creepy moment with his assistant Lisa. I half expected them to have sex on the couch so he could leave with a good memory. Of course, as the VP watches with resignation letter in hand, Baby Palmer assures the nation that the threat has passed and then like Robocop breaking one of his prime directive, he shorts out and collapses.

Guess who's President now?

His first order is of business: canceling Jack's stupid mission. I know from our perspective this seems mean but you know what, the Psycho is right! This si a stupid mission. What if Jack shows up and they put a bullet in his head an take the part off his corpse? Anyway, Buchanon tries to secretly tell Doyle to turn the car around so they can subdue Jack but Jack pulls a pistol on him. He lets Doyle out the car and drives off to save Audrey. That's right, Jack Bauer has gone ROGUE (again)

Bauer Moments to Remember:

• Bauer telling Doyle after he pulled the gun on him that I killed Curtis this morning from standing in my way, don't think I won't shoot you.

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 11:00 PM - 12:00 AM

Lost Season Three: "One of Us"

Wow, what an episode

What I Liked:

• And the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama goes to Elizabeth Mitchell. If she's not nominated, I will be offended. And so should you.
• Now pretty much everyone is back on the beach sans Locke.
• Answers! Tons of answers*.
• I think I'm finally okay with Sawyer and Kate being together
• Jin has become quite snarky
• Lots of Other-y goodness: Ben, Richard Alpert, Ethan, Goodwin, Mikhail
• Juliet putting Sayid and Sawyer in their place

What I Didn't Like

• Okay, this isn't really the writers' fault and is actually a testament to their work but damnit, I really wanted Juliet to be good now and I wanted Jack to be right.

What We Learned:

• Juliet really likes the song, "Downtown"
• Juliet was dropped off at a private airport (Herarat Aviation) to begin her work for Mittelos Bioscience. She thought she was only going to be working for six months
• She gets tranquilized and taken to the island via submarine where she meets Ben.
• She is supposed to trying to get the Others women pregnant but they keep dying.
• Pregnancy is fatal to women on the island
• Juliet wanted to go home after it appeared her experiments were not working but Ben told her that her sister Rachel had a relapse and her cancer returned*. If Juliet stayed, Jacob would cure Rachel
• In season one, when Claire was having those crazy dreams, it was Ethan taking blood samples because they were testing the theory if it was then island killing the women*
• Ethan and Juliet were trying to save Claire's life*
• When Hurley discovered Ethan was an Other, he went rogue and kidnapped Claire on his own*
• Juliet was in a relationship with Goodwin, the Other that Ana Lucia killed
• "Carrie" was the book they were discussing in the book club
  
• After the plane crashed, Mikhail pulled files on everyone on the plane
• Richard videotaped Rachel with her son, Julian, and Ben showed Juliet that they were okay
• The Others implanted something in Claire to make her sick so Juliet can appear to be a hero.
  
• Juliet is still secretly working with the Others. The whole gas/handcuff thing was a plan by Ben. They are going to reconnect in one week
• Getting Juliet away from whatever perm product she was using in Miami was the best thing that ever happened to her

Questions

• Who is Jacob?
• Is Jacob on the island?
• Did Rachel's cancer really return?
• Was everything Juliet said about Ethan and Claire true?
• Why did the Others kidnap all the children?
• Why did Ben get cancer?
• Is Juliet going to turn on The Others?
• Is Sun going to die?
• Is the fact that all the pregnant women die the reason Ben doesn't want Alex with Karl in case she gets knocked up?
  
• Is Desmond going to see a flash of The Others' plan?
• Has Kate finally made her decision to be with Sawyer?
• Is Jack ever going to stop trying to protect women who don't need his protection?
• How does Jack get pussy whipped by women he's never slept with?
• Or is this another Jack plan he's keeping to himself?
  
• What is going to happen in one week?

* Could be a lie

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "One of Us"

24 Season Six: 10:00 PM - 11:00 PM

Body Count: 23 (+7!)

Silver Spoons summed it up best: "Damn, Jack!"

President Balls
Well, it seems the coma did Baby Palmer (or as Dave Barry refers to him, President Gary Payton) good. His nuke to Fakistan was a bluff to get them to give him some information and what do you know, they JUST SO HAPPEN discovered a general in their Fakistan who was supporting Fayed. Even Dragonslayer had to bow to Baby Palmer's wisdom although I don't know why BP didn't just say, "Don't worry. It's a bluff." He just wanted to fuck with him. He won't be able to enjoy it long because he's dying but doesn't want anyone to know. He's probably trying to get VP Psycho to resign first so that when he does keel over and die, someone else will be President. I just hope the Speaker of the House isn't Al Swearengen.

CTU=Boring
Please, somebody blow up CTU. Milo has gone from hero to sexual harasser in eight hours. How times have changed. What is his problem? Did he want Nadia to be like, "Are you hurt, Silver Spoons? Good I hope you die!" Again, where is Chloe? By the way, while I enjoyed CTU's ruse with Fayed and the fake rescue attempt, I have to ask, does CTU have a stable of Muslim improv actors ready to go at the drop of a dime? That plan came together a little to fast/

Time for some Jack-tion!

It was as if David Fury (writer for last night) and the producers remembered what it is people have come to expect from 24 and Jack Bauer: Absurd heroism. Silver Spoons will never be on Jack's level. At this point, he's not even at one-hand Chase's level. Anyway, I don't know what happened to turn Jack from "Stun" to "Kill" but it was what we have been waiting for since the nuke went off in hour four and he shot Curtis. From riding under a sanitation truck like a stagecoach in a cowboy movie ( and using one hand to make a cell phone call!) to that first kill where he swept the guards legs and broke his neck like he was opening a jar of pickles, you knew it was on. After his quick killing spree, my joy was quickly destroyed by a phone call from the Chinese and AUDREY! She's like Bauer's kryptonite. How did the Chinese know he was "done"? A bigger question, why did Fayed throw his gun at Jack like it was a 50's episode of Superman?

Dangling

• With seven hours left, here's a couple of plot threads that will probably be forgotten and unresolved:
• Where is Jack's father?
• Who was behind Baby Palmer's assassination attempt?
• Will Baby Palmer ever find out that the Dragonslayer and VP Psycho framed his assassination attempt on Al-Assad?
• Is former President Logan dead?
• Is Josh Bauer Jack's son?

Bauer Moments To Remember:

• Armed with a handgun and one clip, Bauer takes out seven armed terrorists (six with automatic weapons) without getting shot once.
• For the last kill, Bauer fights Fayed man to man. When Fayed thinks he has the upper hand, Bauer trips him, tied a chain around his throat and say, "Say hello to your brother" before he chokes him with the chain. Damn, Jack.

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 10:00 PM - 11:00 PM

Lost Season Three: "Left Behind"

Kate said it best. "Welcome to the wonderful world of not knowing what the hell is going on."

What I Liked:

• I never get tired of talking about how much I love Elizabeth Mitchell's Juliet. She's like the female Ben
• Locke finally joining the Others (even if he's faking).
• Hurley conning Sawyer into being the leader figure of the beach due to Jack, Kate, Sayid and Locke's absence
• An actual decent Kate flashback
• The return of the smoke monster
• Kate vs. Juliet! In the rain! Then they fall in mud! It was like a horny nerd who is dying got his Make-A-Wish Foundation letter answered.
• Because there are no repeats, the story feels like it's progressing quickly.
• The look on Kate's face after Jack asked about Juliet while she was all crying and pouring her heart out. Consider him moved on.

What I Didn't Like:

• It wasn't a great episode per se but it was good

What We Learned:

• Kate (this time using the name "Lucy") helped Cassidy (Sawyer's con victim from "The Long Con") avoid the cops when she was trying to con a guy into buying fake jewlery
• Cassidy helps Kate confront her mother to ask why she called the cops on her
• Cassidy was pregnant with Sawyer's baby
• The Others and Locke left Othersville
• Juliet does not know what the smoke monster is
• The smoke monster can't get back the sonic fence

Questions:

• Was Juliet really left behind by the Others or is she playing another one of Ben's games?
• If she was really left behind, why?
• Is Locke really with The Others?
• Why did Kate and Juliet wake up a full day ahead of Sayid and Jack?
• Did the smoke monster read Juliet like it did Eko?
• If so, does this mean her days are numbered?
• If the smoke monster isn't a creation of The Others, then what did it come from?
• Is the sonic fence around Othersville more to keep people out or to keep the smoke monster out?
• Did you see how big Hurley's shirts were? What would Hurley have done if his luggage was lost in the crash?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Left Behind"

24 Season Six: 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM

Body Count: 16 (+2)

The worst day in all our lives continues...

Featuring Special Guest Star Kiefer Sutherland
I kid. Jack was in this episode more than the past three episodes and he even got to use his gun. Can someone please explain to me a) how they conveniently had an ax around to cut of Gredenko's arm and/or b) what Gredenko's game plan was after they cut his arm off? He should have been passed out from shock if not dead right away. Did he just want to die on a beach bleeding to death like he did? Is that why he turned Fayed over to a bunch of American bar flies as opposed to Jack Bauer? We'll never know.

General Hospital a.k.a. Passions a.k.a. CTU
Where was Chloe? I don't care about Milo who apparently so busy sexually harassing Nadia that he allowed hackers to infiltrate CTU and frame Nadia. He so isn't getting any. Luckily for him, Silver Spoons covered it up just...because. Since we've been rehashing season two, can these please blow up CTU again?

The HNIC
I don't even know how to explain this bit. First, Baby Palmer went from being in a coma to being suited up in less than 10 minutes thanks to a shot of adrenaline. Then the VP challenges his presidency under the 25th amendment which apparently states any black President named Palmer can be removed from office for being a pussy. The vote ends in a 7-7 ties which like count outs in wrestling means the titles stays with Palmer but lo and behold, VP says he never officially recognized Karen returning so he says her vote doesn't count. The Dragonslayer says it's going to the Supreme Court. That creepy blond from Invasion offers to perjure herself so that the VP can win his case but the Dragonslayer has the room bugged which is about the 3rd crime he's committed today. Anyway, he convinces (forces) the VP to drop his case and Baby Palmer is President again. So how does he celebrate by launching the nuke the VP was going to launch ANYWAY! Come again?


Bauer Moments To Remember

• "Show me your head." We get a glimpse into the killing process of Jack Bauer.
• After Fayed yells to one of the bar patrons, "I hope he's dead!" in reference to one of the the guys in shot in the bar, Jack gives him a swift kick in the face

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM

Vote To Save Friday Night Lights

The winner of Kristin Veitch's from E! Online Save One Show poll usually returns next season and while I love Veronica Mars, I think the world would be a better place if there was a second season of Friday Night Lights. Hell, even if you don't care, just vote for me.

Continue reading Vote To Save Friday Night Lights

Lost Season Three: "Exposé"

“I’m just a guest-star… and we all know what happens to guest stars.” Indeed, Nikki. Indeed.

What I Liked:

• Hate her or love her, Nikki is hot and now my dreams of a free fall mud wrestling match between her, Kate and Sun have been dashed (although I may be getting a consolation prize next week)
• Boone! Shannon! Arzt! Ethan! Even Vincent!
• This was probably the best written stand alone episode
• All the throwbacks to season one like Boone running around looking for a pen, Arzt being a dick, where Kate found the guns.
• Nikki asking Paulo to promise we won't end up lik Boone and Shannon.
• Sun finally finding out about her fake Others kidnapping
• Nikki's Baywatch/V.I.P-ish show, Exposé (or as Hurley refers to it, "Only the most awesome hour of television ever!") with a cameo by Billy Dee Williams! "Razzle-dazzle!"
• That Paulo found all the shit on the island (the plane, the Pearl hatch, even heard Ben and Juliet's plan for Jack) but was so selfishly focused on finding the diamonds, he kept it to himself.
• The Tales From The Crypt/Twilight Zone ending with "Paulo lies"="Para...lyzed", Medusa spiders and Nikki opening her eyes as she was being buried.

What I Didn't Like:

• This episode is kind of annoying because after all the revelations of The Man From Tallahassee, you just want that story to keep going.
• While I enjoyed the episode, is that really it for Nikki and Paulo?
• Shannon and Boone's awful wigs.
• That the commercial for the episode ruined the entire scene with Sun confronting Sawyer.

What We Learned:

• Nikki was an actress who was working on a show Expose directed by some Aaron Sorkin-esque old guy in Sydney
• Paulo was a chef ("The Wolfgang Puck of Brazil")
• Paulo poisoned the old guy and Nikki and Paulo steal millions of dollars in diamonds
• Arzt was spending his pre-blown up island time cataloging new insect species including the Medusa Spider.

Questions:

• Was it the pheromones of the Medusa Spider that brought all the other spiders out to bite Nikki or was it the smoke monster who could be heard in the background?
• Was Paulo really hiding those diamonds to maintain his relationship with Nikki?
• Was Vincent trying to let everyone know they were still alive?
• How many more people are going to die because there isn't an actual doctor on the beach?
• What was a movie producer doing with millions of dollars worth of diamonds anyway?
• Was this the plan all along for Nikki and Paulo or did the writers cave to the negative reaction their addition to the cast brought?
• Is Charlie's confession to Sun the beginning of tying up all his loose ends before he is killed?
• Is Locke right? Does nothing on this island stay buried for very long?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Exposé"

24 Season Six: 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM

Body count: 14

I think there was a gas leak in the writer's room this year.

Before I get into my recap, let me go on record that this is the worst season of 24 and regret that I chose this season to blog about. I tried to defend this season as long as I could but we are past the halfway mark and the episodes seem to be getting more and more unwatchable and it doesn't feel like we are building towards anything. Anyway, I'm praying that they turn this season around but I think we have crossed the point of no return.

Jack, Brian Krakow and Timmy! Save The Day

I'll show you Angela! I'll show EVERYONE!!!

Are we serious here? Apparently years after Brian Krakow was rejected by Angela on My So-Called Life, he turned to a life of selling out America to Russian terrorists with the help of his autistic brother who doesn't like red foods (Seriously, Who the fuck came up with that one?). Anyway, Krakow gets himself shot by Jack and another CTU agent who again missed his "taking prisoners" training. Jack then gets this autistic guy to trust him by telling him he's a cop (a cop who just shot your brother in front of you). Then he gets Krakow to get his autistic brother to help trap Gredenko. I almost wish he got shot so Jack would have that on his conscious too. The best part is when Jack tells Brady (the autistic guy) through the com link in his ear to a) pretend you can't hear me and b) duck when I tell you to because the actor is so engrossed in his role he decides that Brady would spend too much time grappling with A to do B. Also, I thought Jack had broken ribs? He ran across the street and shot that Russian pretty quickly. And who knew CTU had tranquilizers? I just thought they shot everyone and hoped they didn't die before getting the information they needed. Anyway, they got Gredenko and guess what? He wants a deal to help them catch Fayed.

One CTU Life To Live
So Nadia wasn't a mole. She now transfers from the list to CTU moles to the list of people accused of being moles at CTU. Silver Spoons to exonerate her from another friend, Johnson, who he helped out in "Denver" (every episode featuring Silver Spoons has had a mention to Denver and it only gets more annoying) but that friend tries to screw him over with Milo. Silver Spoons threatens Johnson who will probably be the victim of some friendly fire by season's end. I'm sorry, Silver Spoons is not threatening. Anyway, Milo tries to mend bridges with Nadia so he still has a chance to sleep with her. She tries to reject him and he awkwardly grabs the back of her hair violently (I'm sure they were going for passionate), pauses for a second and kisses her THEN apologizes for thinking she was guilty. I'm sorry, Milo and Nadia, but you are no Tony Almeida and Michelle Dressler.

Coma? What Coma?
So Daniels is intent on launching a nuclear weapon at the unnamed Middle East county that Fayed is from. So Karen Hayes conspires with Sandra Palmer (she's back1 Regina, fire your agent) to force Baby Palmer out of his coma which could lead to permanent brain damage so he could stop a nuclear attack right now. so what if he woke up, stopped the launch, then started drooling uncontrollably and made Daniels President for good? Well, it didn't come to that because in ten minutes they were able to wake up Wayne, get him up to speed on the situation and stop the attack. He was more decisive coming out of the coma than he was before he was almost blown up. So next week begins another Palmer tradition: being called unfit by your Vice President.

Bauer Moments To Remember: None

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM

Lost Season Three: "The Man From Tallahassee"

If I were Jack, I would have snatched the first gun in arms length and bullet between Locke's eyes.

What I Liked

• The interaction between Ben and Locke. Ben kept trying to mess with his head and Locke was done talking. He could give a shit about what Ben said, magic box, submarine, he was intent on blowing up that sub (Best exchange: Ben - "On this island, there's a very large box, and whatever you imagine ... when you open that box, there it would be. What would you say about that?" Locke - "I'd say I hope that box is big enough to imagine yourself up a new submarine.")Too bad it played right into Ben's hands.
• Sayid finally hinting to Alex that maybe her mother isn't dead and all is not as it seems
• I know people hate the whole Jack-Kate-Sawyer thing but the scenes between Kate and Jack were great as well as the jealous looks from Juliet and Kate.
• Locke's backstory finally revealed that which we've been wondering since "Walkabout" in the first season
• How Locke got paralyzed. I assumed that his father hit him with a car or something but damn, that guy is cold blooded like Rick James.

What I Didn't Like:

• Is it too late to recast the girl playing Alex? She's awful. I hope there's not too much asked of her this season acting-wise.
• After spending the first 7 episodes with three 815ers captured by the Others, now we have four.
• You think Kate after being captured already would have figured that there is not one inch of Othersville that didn't have a camera
• Except Ben's house. You think your LEADER would have a camera in his room.

What We Learned:

• After getting his kidney stolen and ruining his hippie pot farm, John Locke was on disability
• Peter Talbot, the son of a woman Adam Seward (a.k.a. Anthony Cooper a.k.a. Papa Locke), was planning to marry came to Locke to to a little fact checking on him. Locke denied knowing him.
• Locke confronted his father and told him if he didn't leave behind his plan to con this old rich lady out of her money, he would spill the beans.
• The cops show up and tell Locke that Peter is dead.
• Locke goes to confront Cooper about Peter when he says he had nothing to do with it and that the wedding with Mama Moneybags if off. Locke goes to call the old lady to confirm and Cooper PUSHES LOCKE OUT OF AN EIGHT STORY WINDOW. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Locke as paralyzed.
• Jack struck a deal with Ben to take the last submarine ride off the island with Juliet.
• Ben is one of the few people who were born on the island
• Ben is concerned about his perception amongst his fellow Others
• Ben can't figure out why the island cured Locke and not him.
• If the submarine had left, it would not have been able to return due to the beacon being ruined after the Hatch imploded?

Questions:

• What was Locke's motivation for blowing up the sub and essentially trapping EVERYONE on the island? Does he really not want to leave and wants company?
• Was that really Locke's father in the room or was it a manifestation of the "Magic Box"?
• Is there really a "Magic Box" or was that a metaphor?
• Was Jack really planning on sending back help for the other 815ers?
• Has Jack been brainwashed?
  
• Is Richard (the guy who took Locke and Ben to the room with Cooper and the guy who recruited Juliet) more trusted than the other...um...Others?
• How will The Others who were under the illusion that they could leave whenever they wanted to react to the destruction of their own means of departure?
• Who and where are Ben's parents?
• Is Cooper the same con man that conned Sawyer's family, which I guess would make him "Sawyer Prime" or "The Original Sawyer"?
• If the "Magic Box" is real, is it connected to the smoke monster or the unexplained things 815ers have been seeing (Jack's dad, Kate's horse, Eko's brother)?
• If the Magic Box is real, is Cooper the best they could do?
• Will Locke join the Others too? Who are we kidding? Locke will do whatever Ben wants him to do like he's Dracula.

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "The Man From Tallahassee"

24 Season Six: 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM

Body Count: 12

Even though this is probably the worst season of 24 ever, there is one bright spot...

AUDREY RAINES IS DEAD!

I AM SO HAPPY!!!

Nothing against Kim Raver because I liked her in The Nine but I hated Audrey Raines.

"Jack I know you are on your way to save
the world but I think now is the best time
to talk about our feelings."

Anyway, on to the episode...

First of all, Milo, stop making googly eyes at my woman! Nadia doesn't want you. Besides she may be the seventh CTU mole in...six seasons. I love how everyone presumes that Milo is acting right because he's had some more alcohol (which Chloe disproved by laying one on him( but either a) Silver Spoons choked some sense into him or b) he's the real mole and just set up Nadia. He's the only one aside from Chloe with the skills to do it.

I don't understand why Jack is mad that no one told him Audrey was dead. When, Jack? When were they going to tell you? Right before you were going to sacrifice your life? "Hey Jack, before you get out the car and probably get killed, you should know Audrey died in China looking for you. Ok. See ya later." I shouldn't be mad. At least I got to SEE Jack. The producers are really screwing the pooch with this Jack-less season. This is like watching a Superman movie but we spend more time with Lois Lane and The Daily Planet and not even Lex Luthor but Otis and Miss Teschmacher . Actually, that's kinda what Superman Returns was like.

So Audrey's dead but Marilyn wastes no time going in for the kill. Jack dodged that kiss like a direct order from Division.

While in the Presidential bunker (do they really need to be in there? They know all the nukes are in California. It must smell in there.), Vice President Daniels must have dreamed his entire life what it would be like to have his finger on the button. Well, he's not going to let anyone ruin this dream for him. Not the Dragonslayer. Not Karen "Conservative Monkey Wrench" Hayes. Not Jack Bauer averting yet another nuclear explosion with his fancy Atari skills (I bet he could land the plane in Top Gun on the NES. I always sucked at that.). He is going to nuke that unnamed country no matter what. Time to wake up Baby Palmer. What's the point of waking him up? He'll wake up, say "no" to the nuke then fall into a coma giving Daniels complete control.

Bauer Moments To Remember: NONE (He only had 10 minutes of screen time to work with)

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM

Lost Season Three: "Par Avion"

Touchdown!

What I Liked:

• Claire's backstory which confirms something which many of us have suspected for a long-time.
  
• Charlie stares at Desmond like the harbinger of death
• We're already at the Others' camp
• Locke's increasingly bizarre behavior
• Mikhail's grisly death
• Another reference to "The List"

What I Didn't Like:

• Now that Sawyer can't say nicknames, is he just going to keep quiet?
• The backstory took up too much of the episode
• I didn't really understand why Desmond prevented Claire, Sun and Jin from catching the birds

What We Learned:

• Claire used to be a goth girl who worked a tattoo parlor
• She caused a car accident that left her mother with severe head trauma that left her in a coma
• Christian Shepard is Claire's father
• Sayid and Kate are definately not on "The List". Locke, maybe.
• Mikhail was recruited by a "great man"
• Mikhail got to the island via submarine
  
• Ben is not at the top of The Others food chain
  
• Since the Hatch imploded, the underwater beacon that allowed the Others to take the submarine out and return doesn't work
• Despite Dr. Shepard's words, Claire couldn't pull the plug on her mother and she's still hooked up to machines
• The 815ers have been on the island for 80 days.
• Locke did know about the C4 in the farm and took one for himself.
  

Questions:

• How are Sayid, Kate, Danielle and Locke planning to get back over the pylons?
• Is Locke on "The List"?
• What happened between the time Locke entered 77 on the computer in the last episode and the farm blowing up?
• What was Mikhail going to say to Locke before he was interrupted ("The John Locke I know was par—.")?
• Do the Others know that Claire and Jack are half-siblings?
• What is The Others' policy on being taken prisoner that makes them rather death?
• Who is the real leader of The Others? Jacob?
• What happened to Jack to make him all buddy buddy with The Others now?
• How many more backstory's is Dr. Christian Shepard going to appear in? (So far, he 's connected to Claire, Sawyer and Ana Lucia)
  
• Seriously, what the fuck is up with Locke?
  

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Par Avion"

24 Season Six: 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM

Body count: 10

We finally reach double digits.

There's A New Sheriff In Town
Vice President Cy Tolliver has been President for a little over an hour and he's already a better President than Baby Palmer. Sure, he's dirty for framing Assad for the assassination attempt against Baby Palmer and then threating war against the unnamed country, but damn he is scary.


I'm still talking!
CTU & Silver Spoons
Nice to see Chloe being a bitch again even if it was to ex-President Logan. Enter Silver Spoons. He was immediately a dick especially to Milo. I wonder what happened in Denver. I didn't like him...until he choked Morris.

A Visit To Crazy Town
Super Secret Service Agent Aaron Pierce returns...as First Lady Martha Logan's lover. I didn't need to know all that. I never want to see her feed him anything. Seriously, how did Jean Smart not win the Outstanding Supporting Actress Emmy? Anyway, I digress. How did Logan was best friends with the Russian president's wife, Anya, if they haven't spoken in two years? When Martha was talking to Logan about her and Aaron, she was two seconds away from saying, "Aaron has a bigger penis than you do, Charles. What do you think about that?" I swear that I had just written down via IM, "Martha looks like she could slit Logan's throat at any moment". Well, I was off by a couple of inches.

Adventures At The Russian Consulate
The biggest weakness of this season of 24 is there hasn't been enough Jack. Clearly, the Russians did not read Jack Bauer's file if they thought putting one guard on Bauer would be enough to contain him. Somehow, I don't think when the Russian president gave CTU permission to storm the consulate that he was giving Silver Spoon and crew the right to kill EVERY SINGLE RUSSIAN WHO WORKED THERE. Anyway, they freed Jack and now they know where to find Gredanko and Fayeed but guess what, too late!

Bauer Moments To Remember

• Before Vaseli could kill him, he takes the belt of a dead man, flings it up around Vaseli's wrist and gets the gum away from him

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM

Lost Season Three: "Enter 77"

Are you happy? Some answers…wait no, those might have been lies. So I guess more questions.

What I Liked:

• Sayid is still the biggest badass on the island
• His flashback, while good, was kept short. I hope that is a sign for the future as we are running out of things to learn about these castaways.
• Sawyer asking Nikki, “Who the hell are you?”
• The introduction of Mikhail, the newest Other
• We learned more about the Others in this episode than in episodes featuring the Others
• The return and exit of Ms. Klugh

What I Didn’t Like:

• As much as I enjoyed Sawyer getting whooped by Hurley in ping-pong, considering how many episodes actually constitutes a week on this show, I don’t think I can go the rest of the season without a Sawyer nickname
• Nikki and Paulo were given lines. I know once we get their flashbacks I will be more interested in them but right now, they are the new Shannon and Boone.
• Since when is Locke an idiot? Didn’t he watch War Games? Talking computers are not to be messed with.

What We Learned:

• Sayid was a chef under the name Najeem in France where he was kidnapped by the family of one of the women he tortured
• There was a war between the Others/Hostiles and Dharma and it appears the Others won
• There is power cables running throughout the island
• The Flame station was for communications and they lost communications via satellite and sonar after the Hatch imploded.
• Hurley is a great ping-pong player due to his time spent in an institution
• Paulo likes to flag magazines
• It is likely that Kate’s horse came from the Flame Station or the Othersville.
• It sucks to be an African-American cast member
• Like most average Americans over the age of 40, Locke should not be trusted with a computer

Questions:

• How much of Mikhail’s story is actually true in reference to what happened to the Dharma group?
• Was Danielle really just hiding out in the forest or was she up to something else?
• Why did Ms. Klugh tell Mikhail to shoot her?
• Since Locke entered 77 into the computer, is the Dharma Initiative now aware that their hatches have been compromised?
• What was the Dharma Initiative’s true purpose?
• How long have the Others been on the island?
• Is the cat Nadia the only animal that survived the explosion?
• Does Sayid now understand why Jack always hates going into the forest with Locke?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Enter 77"

24 Season Six: 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM

Body count: 7

This season is going to have the lowest body count in 24 history. No wonder fans are unhappy.

Boom in the Presidential Bunker:
Another year, another fairly successful assassination attempt. Assad’s dead and who is surprised? Baby Palmer isn’t and, again, who is surprised? I immediately liked the forcefulness that Powers Boothe brings as the acting president but as the producers sense that maybe we might like this guy over Baby Palmer, he immediately wants to frame Assad for Palmer’s assassination. Didn’t they have security camera in EVERY room? I mean, they WERE keeping the President of the United States there. And how naïve was Reed? You just clocked this guy over his head with a flashlight when he was getting ready to betray you but you have faith he will play ball now that the deed is done? I’m glad Lennox waited about 15 seconds to turn them in.

CTU2D2
They really are dependent on Jack, aren’t they? How did they function while he was in prison? Oh yeah, I forgot. That’s why they brought him back. Nice to see Karen Hayes caught with flight delays. They really didn’t do jack squat. They were just waiting for Jack to do something so they could react like, him getting caught by the Russian guards. Nice to see Buchanan take a play out of the Bauer handbook. WWJBD? Let’s not go through the proper channels. Let’s assemble a team to extract Jack from Russian territory. At least we were spared from Morris’ incessant whining.

Jack and Logan Sitting In A Limo
Where did Jack get that suit? I’m glad President Logan reminded Jack, “Hey, didn’t you just get back from a two year stint in a Chinese prison for doing the same thing? What are you an idiot?” I’m going to stop doing a kill count and start doing a torture count. You know what occurred to me? Jack Bauer has not been a paid employee of the U.S. government since the end of season four. Wasn’t that like 3-4 years ago in their world? What kind of pro bono work is this? So we FINALLY get a sense of Gredanko’s plan: Unmanned aerial drones with the nukes. Nice. I like a little originality. Now that jack has been captured, does anyone remember that President Douchebag is sitting in that limo by himself?

Bauer Moments To Remember:

• Jack cut off the Russian diplomats pinky finger with a cigar cutter. Who says torture doesn’t work?

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM

Lost Season Three: "Trisha Tanaka Is Dead"

Apparently the producers of Lost thought Little Miss Sunshine should have won best picture.

What I Liked:

• The return of Vincent, Randy and Danielle Rosseau!
• It's been too long since Lost has some levity. I feel like there hasn't been a laugh since Michael shot Ana-Lucia and Libby
• I missed having Sawyer interact with the rest of the 815ers. He was in rare form:
• Well, look at that. Somebody's hooked on phonics!
• Skeletor seems to like it.
• Nicknames for Charlie (Oliver Twist, the Munchkin, Jiminy Cricket) and Hurley (Snuffy, International House of Pancakes, Jumbotron)
• Hurley's comeback to Sawyer: "Shut up, Red...neck Man!"
• Sawyer teaching Jin the three phrases every married man should know.
• Kate telling Danielle about Alex

What I didn't like:

• Again, ABC's ads overhyped the episode as some big revealing one when it was a fun stand alone.
• No more sweaty Kate (What? Mrs. Reyes isn't the only one with needs)
  

What We Learned:

• Hurley's dad abandoned him and then came back when he won the lotto
• Johnny ran off with Starla from the "Everybody Hates Hurley" episode
• Dharma had a van, gas, light beer and were trying to build a road sometime between the release dates of Rocky II and Rocky III by Hurley's estimation
• A meteor really did destroy the Chicken Shack
• Hurley's dad gave him that fateful chocolate bar that turned him into the man he is today
• Sawyer had mono as a child and all he could watch in the trailer was Little House on the Prairie
  

Questions:

• How many days has passed since the hatch imploded?
• What killed Roger and how long had he been there?
• Why didn't Kate say anything to Alex about Danielle?
• What's Vincent been eating since his two caretakers are gone?
  

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Trisha Tanaka Is Dead"

24 Season Six: 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM

Body Count: 7

I hope Obama doesn't watch 24.

Presidential Bunker:
It's a shame that Baby Palmer got blown up just when he was starting to grow a pair. His conversation with the diplomat were the first signs of him acting presidential. Bauer getting him to release Logan even though he had his brother killed showed him acting like a true Palmer. I don't understand how they thought that bomb was going to kill the President when he wasn't even that close to it. Anyway, he's not dead. They had the balls to nuke Valencia but to kill two Black presidents would just be too much to handle. And Lennox proved that only Jack Bauer can escape from being duct tape to a pipe. Jack should teach at The Learning Annex.

Fayed, Gredenko and The Nukes:
I have no idea what's going on here but these bad guys suck.

CTU:
It would be nice if everyone acted with the urgency that three nukes should bring. Just when I thought, "Finally, someone in the show takes a dump," it ends up Morris was drinking in the stall. I'm beginning to miss Edgar's lisp ("Chwoe?"). Nice pointless cameo by Bart Simpson as Morris former AA sponsor. By the way, I haven't mentioned this so far this season but I would like to thank the producers and casting directors of 24 for filling the void left Reiko Aylesworth (Michelle Dessler).

Nadia, I will always note your objection

Bauer and Logan:
I'm glad we are done with the Bauer family. If I had to endure one more inapproriate Bauer face stroke, I was going to puke. It was great to get back to the great acting of Gregory Itzin but they filmed the showdown between Jack and Logan like a Spanish telenovela. I was kind of annoyed that Logan and Jack took their sweet ass time getting ready to go. Another day, another communist consulate. Second times a charm. Oh wait. It's third. Jack's in trouble again.

No Bauer moments to remember but I hope I can forget the creepy face stroking.

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM

Lost Season Three: "Stranger in a Strange Land"

He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us.

What I Liked:

• Only Ben can be creepy lying on his side immobilized
• All interactions between Jack and Juliet
• Sawyer's man-to-boy talk with Karl
  

What I didn't like:

• ABC's ads for this episode wrote a check the episode couldn't cash
  
• Jack's backstory hit the trifecta - it was boring, confusing and seemingly pointless. I think we should be done with Jack backstories for the time being.
• I don't care how hot Bai Ling (Achera) is. Her acting is awful.
• The music montage at the end. Save that trite for Grey's Anatomy
  
• This was the worst episode of season three.
  

What We Learned:

• The Others have a sheriff named Isabel
• The Others have an "eye for an eye" system for killing one of their own
• The kidnapped Tallies, including Cindy and the two kids, seem to be doing fine but they don't seem to know about Ana Lucia's fate.
• The Others have a big boat.
• Jack's tattoo translates to "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us."
• Sawyer thinks he got a mercy lay from Kate.
• Karl has never heard of The Brady Bunch
  

Questions:

• Was Juliet really on trial or was this yet another test for Jack?
• What does the "better life" Karl gives as the reason for kidnapping children entail?
• With the exception of Claire, how come only the Tallies were kidnapped?
• What does the branding on Juliet's back mean?
• Why did Achera's brother and friends beat the snot out of Jack?
• Do Cindy and the kidnapped tallies live on this smaller island or are they in Othersville on the big island?
• Was Karl born on the island?
  
• Do the producers cringe when they see ABC ads for Lost promising that THREE BIG SECRETS WILL EB REVEALED?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Stranger in a Strange Land"

24 Season Six: 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

Body Count: 7

If I wanted to see all this family drama, I would be watching General Hospital

Presidential Bunker:

DAMMMN, Lennox! You got knocked DA FUCK out!!!

So while Lennox has a change of heart (I guess it would be awkward to have a 10 minute meeting with someone then facilitate their murder) and gets a flashlight to the head for it, Baby Palmer inches closer and closer to his death. Where's Super Secret Service Agent Aaron Pierce when you need him?

Fayed and The Nuclear Bomb:
Well, while Jack is all distracted by his personal problems, Fayed is driving around with three nukes and no one has the faintest clue where he is and no one seems to care. For a second, I was glad to see CTU can operate a mission without Jack but then Dmitri Gredenko (a.k.a Boris the Bullet Dodger from Snatch) got away so I guess it's always a bad move. Curtis is already missed.

CTU:
Chloe might want to give Milo a second movie date because it appears you chose wrong. Milo took a bullet for his country and Morris gargled some whiskey. Yawn, why is Morris getting so much camera time? I'm already bored.

Bauer Family Values:
Ok, Marilyn, make up your mind. Do you a) want to save your son Josh or b) sleep with Jack? Because you seem to be flip-flopping. Jack is on full tease mode. Slowly strapping on her bullet proof vest, telling her how to shoot, I guess in Jack's mind, that counts for foreplay. Anyway, after plotting to kill his son for the first quarter of the season, when he has him unarmed and on his knees, Papa Bauer pulls a Batman and disappears silently while Jack pours his heart out to Daddy. Anyway, this led to the moment we hope can redeem this season, the return of President Douchebag.

Bauer Moments To Remember:

• Jack giving Marilyn the "Don't Lie To Me!!!" choke hold
  
• Jack saying to his father, "I want you to know I never wanted you to feel like I had turned my back on you, that I had turned my back on the family" while he had his back turned to him

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

Lost Season Three: "Flashes Before Your Eyes"

Only fools are enslaved by time and space, indeed¹

What I Liked:

• "That Guy Sees The Future, Dude." As much as I loved our adventures on Alcatraz, I missed Hurley
• That was the coolest flashback ever...if it was indeed a flashback at all. There were hints of Donnie Darko and The Wizard of Oz in his "flashback" and Final Destination on the island with Charlie
• The song Charlie was singing in Desmond's past, Oasis' Wonderwall, particularly the part of the song he sang: "Because maybe, You're gonna be the one that saves me..." which makes sense now
• That Charlie is the one destined to die. You have no idea how happy that makes me. he's become such a prick.
  

What I didn't like:

• I forgot how much I disliked Charlie at this point.

What We Learned:

• After he turned the key, Desmond appears to be sent back in the past as he's moving in with Penny with knowledge of the future.
  
• Desmond David Hume - they sure love philosophers
• He used to be a set designer for the Royal Shakespeare Company
• He moved in with Penny and asked Papa Widmore for her hand in marriage and was rejected in the cruelest yet coolest way humanly possible²
• Desmond met Charlie Hieronymus Pace outside Widmore Industries who was a street performer at the time.
• After being told that he can't escape his future, Desmond broke up with Penny and then carried on with the events that led to him ending up at the island.
  

Questions:

• Was that really a flashback?
  
• The creepy jewelry store owner played by Fionnula Flanagan was the creepy old lady in The Others starring Nicole Kidman. Coincidence?
• Who was that old woman? Was she real? Will we see her again?
  
• Are the flashbacks we seeing actually flashbacks or is everyone experiencing the same phenomenon - as in, when we see the characters' flashbacks are they reliving that moment again - but only Desmond is conscious of it now?
• By saving Charlie, what damage is Desmond doing to their reality?
• Does Claire always go for a swim fully dressed?

¹: Check this video out for an explanation
²: If I ever have a daughter and some substandard, by my opinion, askes me for her hand in marriage, I can only hope to remember that speech.

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Flashes Before Your Eyes"

24 Season Six: 1:00pm - 2:00pm / 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM

Body Count: 5 (not counting the people Jack led into a trap...again)

Papa Bauer's evil knows no bounds

Jack, I am your father.

Presidential Bunker:
It seems we can't have a Palmer presidency without either a) an assassination attempt or b) a coup. Fortunately for Baby Palmer, it appears he's getting a two-fer. Is it wrong that I kinda hope they succeed? Nothing against Baby Palmer but if I had to chose between Baby Palmer and Powers Boothe, well...HIS NAME IS POWERS BOOTHE, C'MON! I did enjoy Lennox's little "I quit" tantrum.

Fayed and The Nuclear Bomb:
Once again, 24 shows us that torture can work. Fayed apparently went to the same terrorist camp that Marwan from Season Five came from or maybe he read his book, "How To Escape Bauer", because that little tunnel was straight out of the Marwan playbook. Rita was an idiot if she thought they were going to hand her 7 million, then again so was McCarthy. Morris proves that when push comes to shove (more like when drill comes to shoulder), the British will not die for innocent Americans, they'll only "wish they were dead".

CTU:
We already covered Morris being a limey wimp. Chloe had the best line of the night: "I'm really glad Fayed didn't kill you this morning." I'm glad Buchanon was willing to adjust the report to Division. He's grown so much from his auspicious beginnings as the guy who was sleeping with Michelle while Tony was getting drunk watching soccer. And I really underestimated Milo. I thought he was a dead man but he was quite resourceful in the field. Still no mole but there's still time.

The Bauer Bunch:
With the exception of Josh, everyone seemed to take the fact that Graem was dead pretty well. Jack pretty much admitted he wanted him dead. Marilyn treated it as as afterthought and wasted no time shining those blue eyes at Jack. If everything goes according to his plan (which it won't), Papa Bauer will have:

• Killed his two sons (but not before guilting one into believing he killed the other)
• Killed the President of the United States (or at least his "company" will)
• Kidnapped his grandson.

Also, if it wasn't clear enough, Josh has to be Jack's son. He has the Bauer hostage gene that is so dominant in Kim. Plus, he has a sense for being lied to. Too bad he doesn't have the Sutherland acting gene. Next week, Marilyn feels the five fingers of Jack around her throat. Good, because the last thing Jack needs is another woman who wants to talk about him about feelings in the midst of a crisis. Papa Bauer admitted too much on the phone with Marilyn. Now Jack will have all the information he needs to not need therapy after committing patricide.

Bauer Moments To Remember:

• Two kills with the shotgun. Another first for Bauer. I feel like the writers went into a gun shop and said "What hasn't Jack killed someone with?"
• Jack defuses a nuclear bomb and handles Chloe's general personality disorder without sweating (unlike Chloe who looked like she needed to change her shirt
• The digust in his voice when he admonished Morris for building Fayed a functional device. Jack cannot comprehend human beings who would rather die than help terrorists. Morris is ruined for life. Poor Chloe. Tat man will never have an erection again without the help of Levitra.
• The moment when Jack walks back into CTU and everyone stops like they just saw God. Like, "Oh my God, he's DOES exist!"

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 1:00pm - 2:00pm / 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM

Lost Season Three: "Not In Portland"

"TGI Wednesday, am I right? Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on."
- Andy from The Office

What I Liked:

• Elizabeth Mitchell is officially the best actress on the show right now.
• The casting: Calamity Jane from Deadwood! Mac from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia! The creepy short guy in everything who you never feel any sympathy for (OZ, 24, Homicide, etc.)
• The look on Jack's face when he found out there were TWO islands
• New characters means new nicknames for Sawyer
• "I can't believe you fell for the old Wookie prisoner gag." There better be a Lost flashback with Sawyer as a teenaged Star Wars geek.
• How creepy was Ben waking up?
  
• Bye Danny.

What I didn't like:

• I think this should have been the last episode before the break. Even though episode six had more of a dramatic ending, this one would have quieted some of the clamoring with Sawyer and Kate heading back to the island
• Juliet's hair. I think the only good thing about her being stuck on that island is she's been kept away from whatever hair products she was using.
• Jack finally asked a smart question - why didn't they take Ben to a surgeon off the island - and right before Tom's about to answer, of course, the surgery goes awry.

What We Learned:

• Unlike Ben, Juliet was not born on the island. She's from Miami.
  
• Juliet Burke - medical researcher who impregnated her sister with experimental drugs.
• Juliet was married to her boss who has a penchant for sleeping with medical researchers
  
• The Others and Sawyer shoot like Stormtroopers.
• Juliet used to be meek.
• Mittelos Bioscience recruited her. One of her recruiters was the guy with the awful accent on Suddenly Susan. The other was Ethan Rom!
• Alex is considered Ben's daughter.
• The Others have a programming room a la Clockwork Orange. (Some of the messages were "Plant a good seed and you will joyfully gather fruit," "Everything changes," "We are the causes of our own suffering," "God loves you as he loved Jacob," and "Think about your life."
• Juliet's ex-husband was hit by a bus right in front of her a la Final Destination.
• Juliet has been on the island 3 years, 2 months and 28 days.
• Kate is more of a badass than Sawyer
  

Questions:

• Does Alex know about Danielle or has she always believed that Ben was her father?
• Who else is locked up in that programming facility that they rescued Karl from?
• What about the island is making everyone infertile if that is indeed the reason they brought Juliet to the island?
• What was Ethan doing outside of Juliet's sister's apartment at the beginning of the episode?
  
• Who is privately funding Mittelos Bioscience (which is an anagram for "Lost Time")?
• Who the hell is Jacob?
  
• Why did they want Kate and Sawyer?
• To re-ask Jack's question, if they can get on and off the island, why didn't they bring to a surgeon off the island?
• Was it just a coincidence that Juliet's husband was hit by a bus? (Ok, that one is pretty clear)
• What was Juliet's plan if Jack had gone along with her plan and killed Ben?
  
• What is Ben's issue with Karl, Alex's boyfriend?
  
• Is Tom gay?
• Was Juliet's sister the woman Jack's father killed on the operating table when he was drunk? (Personal theory of mine)
• Does ABC really need another Dr. Burke and Dr. Shepard?

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "Not In Portland"

24 Season Six: 12:00pm - 1:00pm

Body Count: 3

Advantage Bauer

Papa Bauer, that is.

That'll do, Graem. That'll do.

I knew something was fishy when he shot that guy unarmed so Jack couldn't ask him any questions.

Oh, Graem, we hardly knew you.

But you shouldn't have been so afriad to die. Confessing to Jack that you were behind the deaths of Palmer, Tony and Michelle was as much of a suicide attempt as slitting your wrists.

I was about to say 24 jumped the shark when it appeared Morris' brother was a victim of the nuclear fallout which would have made him the third CTU techie to have a family member killed by terrorist act (Adam, who went on to play Sylar in Season Three lost his sister to the virus and Edgar in Season Four lost his mother to the fallout from the nuclear plant meltdown). Luckily for me, that was not the case. Unfortunately for Morris, he's about to experience some torture.

Appears that the President has gotten his balls back but it also appears we have yet another duplicitous Vice President.

Also, the return of Agent Burke and the interrogation case!!!

On to the Bauer moments:

• Good to see some Father & Son killing. For them, it's like going fishing.
• Apparently, Jack's ability to protect people is well known in his family circle
• Jack to Graem: "I'm going to kill you my way! 8 CCs!!!"
  
• Papa Bauer pretty much put Jack on timeout with that look when he was about to kill Graem.
  

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 12:00pm - 1:00pm

Greatest Halftime Show Ever

How do they think they are going to top that next year? U2 already performed.

Continue reading Greatest Halftime Show Ever

24 Season Six: 11:00am - 12:00pm

Body Count: 2 (sigh...still)

I don't know how much longer I can watch without a Bauer kill

I guess now I have to specify that I mean a JACK Bauer kill as Graham "Bluetooth" Bauer has vicariously added to CTU agents to his own kill count.

Advantage Bluetooth.

And in the bunker, The Dragonslayer adds Karen Hayes to his career kill count.

HAND IN YOUR RESIGNATION, KAREN

I don't understand how Wayne Palmer got elected president with a bad ass like Powers Boothe as his vice president.

We were denied any good Bauer moments has Jack's torture and emasculation of his brother was pretty much kept off camera.

Step it up, people.

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 11:00am - 12:00pm

24 Season Six: 10:00am - 11:00am

Body Count: 2

Here's the story of a man named Bauer,
Who was busy with two boys of his own,
They were three men, killing all together,
Yet they were all alone.



These are the days of our lives:

• I think the radiation transformed the p*ssy from the first four hours into the Jack Bauer who can kill 12 men in 10 minutes.
  
• Jack Bauer. CTU agent and Rescue 911.
  
• HOLY SHIT! Jack's brother is the leader of the Bluetooth cabal!!! His own brother tried to frame him for President Palmer's murder AND tried to have him killed.
  
• Annnnnnd now we know why...Graham's wife got sloppy Bauer seconds. This is like The Count of Monte Bauer.
  
• Jack was clearly slumming with Audrey and Kate Warner.
• Hm. Josh looks more like Jack.....uh oh.
• Graham did not inherit the Bauer chin.
• Jack Bauer is not his brother's keeper.
• Are there still warnings on plastic bags about suffocating? if so, Jack Bauer just ignored them.
  

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 10:00am - 11:00am

Dead Man Walking

Perhaps I should shut the f*ck up

How long before Isiah Washington's Dr. Preston Burke is killed off Grey's Anatomy in lieu of his Golden Globes faux pas?

Place your bets, kids!

Continue reading Dead Man Walking

24 Season Six: 8:00am - 9:00am/9:00am - 10:00am

Body Count: 2

President Wayne Palmer, don't run for re-election.



This is the event they have been teasing since Day Two.

It finally happened.

In hour four, no less...

Not many favorite Jack Bauer moments:

• Carjack Bauer: "Don't get up!"
  
• Curtis?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Still...nice shot! The ghost of Tony Almeida should have come down and warned Curtis.
  

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 8:00am - 9:00am/9:00am - 10:00am

24 Season Six: 6:00am - 7:00am/7:00am - 8:00am

Body Count: 1



Wow. Let's add to the legacy of Bauer, shall we?

• Makes his first kill by BITING HIS JUGULAR but having the foresight to hold his neck long enough grab the keys to his cuffs
• During a struggle with a suicide bomber on a subway, he pulls his tie around the poll and pulls his head into it.
  
• Kicks the aforementioned suicide bomber out the back to the subway car (It doesn't count as a Bauer kill because the bomber pressed the detonator)
  

Continue reading 24 Season Six: 6:00am - 7:00am/7:00am - 8:00am

The Best of 24 so far...

In honor of Season Six, here are my favorite 24 moments so far...

The last thing a terrorist sees before
he wakes up from a nightmare

Day One:
- When Nina tells him that Kim is dead and Jack goes all psycho on the Drazen killing seven men including the Drazens, saving a clip for Victor Drazen himself.

Day Two:
- "I'm gonna need a hacksaw"
- When he pretended to kill Syed Ali's kids
- Jack dies for the first time
- While having a coronary event, Jack still manages to kill Kingsley's attack team including one with a Matrix-like off the wall neck break.

Day Three:
- Jack: You don't have any more useful information, do you?
Nina: I do...
Jack: No, you don't.
*Shoots Nina three times*
- When Jack emasculates Stephen Saunders by threatening to put his daughter into the infected hotel.
- When Jack decides that instead of using the ax to cut the chain off Chase's wrist, he would relieve Chase of one of the hands he uses to touch Kim behind his back. At least, that is how I interpreted it.

Day Four:
- When Jack shows the new CTU team how interrogations were done in his day by shooting the prisoner in the thigh.
- When Jack kills 10-12 (I forget the exact count) in 10 minutes to rescue Secretary Heller. Unfortunately, Audrey survives too.
- Jack tortures Audrey's husband, Paul, then gets him tortured, then Paul takes a bullet for Jack (even though he's wearing a vest...dumbass), THEN forces by gunpoint the doctor operating on Paul to stop and work on the Chinese informant he just abducted from Chinese consulate which leads to Paul's death. Paul only knew Jack for 10 hours.
- When Jack walks off into the sunset like Bill Bixby in The Incredible Hulk.

Day Five:
- "Let's get one thing straight, kid. The only reason you're still conscious is because I don't want to carry you. Now get in the van."
- Jack avenges Palmer's assassination the only way he knows how - in cold blood.
- Jack gets his MacGyver on and blows up a terrorist through his cell phone.
- Jack to Walt Cummings: “You have read my file, you know I will cut out your right eye, then cut out your left eye, and keep cutting until I get what I want"
- Jack shoots Robocop's wife in the leg.
- We learn that every CTU agent is given a PDA memory card that can self-destruct like Mission:Impossible messages.
- Jack interrogation of Audrey. Unfortunately, she was innocent.
- Jack trains a lowly Navy solider how to kill Bauer-style via cell phone.
- Jack tricks Robocop with the old empty clip trick and kills another unarmed man who had it coming.
- Jack kidnaps the President of the United States. Is there anything he can't do?

What have I missed?

Continue reading The Best of 24 so far...

Don't Call Me During...: Winter 2007 Edition

It's about that time again where I let you into my pathetic little world of television watching as an Olympic sport.

Let’s mourn those shows that didn’t make it this far
Runaway
Smith
Kidnapped
Daybreak
Six Degrees
The Nine (although still “on hiatus”, it’s not coming back)
The O.C.

Sunday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: The Simpsons (unless it is a Lisa or singing episode)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Desperate Housewives / Rome
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Brothers and Sisters / Battlestar Galactica (new time slot)
10:00 PM –10:30 PM: Extras

Monday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: How I Met Your Mother
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Prison Break
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: 24(I’m going to try and keep a kill count again. Towards the end of Day 5, I couldn’t keep up with Bauer) / Heroes
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Studio 60 on Sunset Strip / What About Brian?

Tuesday:
8:00 PM – 9:00 PM: Gilmore Girls
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: House / Veronica Mars
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Dirt* (The first episode kinda sucked. Hopefully the second one will be better)

Wednesday:
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Bones / Friday Night Lights (new time slot)
9:00 PM - 9:30 PM: The Knight of Prosperity (if only ABC could have shown Sons & Daughters the kind of support they are showing this quirky show)
9:30 PM – 10:00 PM: In Case of Emergency* (C’mon, Jonathan Silverman is working again. How can you not root for that?)
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Lost (new time slot)

Thursday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: My Name Is Earl (I love that the NBC Thursday comedy block is back)
8:30 PM - 9:00 PM: The Office
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Smallville
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Grey's Anatomy
9:00 PM – 9:30 PM: Scrubs
9:30 PM – 10:00 PM: 30 Rock

Friday:
9:00 PM – 10:00 PM: Monk
10:00 PM – 11:00 PM: Psyche

Saturday:
Watching all the shows I missed on DVR

Download: The L Word, The Dresden Files*, Ugly Betty

* On Probation

Continue reading Don't Call Me During...: Winter 2007 Edition

What I've Learned: Jack Bauer

From Esquire Magazine



WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Jack Bauer
Counterterrorism Expert, Los Angeles
By Nicole Ranadive and Matt Michnovetz

Fuck diplomacy.

Actions speak louder than words. Though shouting can also be effective.

If you shoot a man's wife in the knee and he still doesn't give you the information, he's bad.

Revenge is the cruelest trick. I've seen it taken out on others, I've been victim to it, I've even done it myself. But it doesn't change anything, and it doesn't bring comfort.

Trust is the key to survival. And by trust, I mean getting out of the way and letting me do what I need to do.

The only thing harder than racing to stop a madman from releasing a deadly virus that will kill thousands of people is doing it while simultaneously trying to kick heroin.

I've been beaten, kidnapped, gassed, and shot at, but the most terrifying thing I've ever been through was facing my daughter after I made her believe I was dead.

I eat a lot of bananas. They're a good source of vitamin B and potassium. They're also easy to take on the move.

Love is a privilege.

If you have to trust someone, make it a quirky computer genius.

If I say "dammit," either something bad just happened, something bad is about to happen, or I'm going to do something drastic.

Any man can make a mistake. It's what he does to remedy that mistake that shows his character.

You better know who you are before you go undercover. If you don't, you could easily lose yourself.

Always carry at least one spare fully charged cell-phone battery.

So many times when I thought there was no more time, there was.

When interrogating a suspect, I've often found it effective to ask the question loudly and repeat it several times.

Remember, terrorists use the phone as much as we do.

In the event of a highway landing, always fasten your seat belt and return your chair and tray table to their upright and locked positions.

It's all key cards and thumb drives these days.

If the president of the United States ever orders you to shoot your boss in the head at point-blank range in cold blood, take a deep breath, ask God to forgive you, and just do it.

Without conscience, a man becomes his worst enemy.

Sometimes it's necessary to create a believable diversion, even at the risk of others thinking you're an asshole.

A cell phone can sometimes be used to activate a secondary detonator on a terrorist's explosive vest regardless of how many minutes are left on your plan.

Dead terrorists can often be effectively used as human shields. So can live ones.

Bureaucrats want results but never want to get their hands dirty.

The safety of the people I love is worth any sacrifice. Even their trust.

Some people don't deserve to die, but that's not my call.

Serbs have a different word for everything.

If you don't have a Taser gun, the wires from a lamp will deliver the current needed to shock your subject just enough to get him to give up the information you need without doing any permanent damage.

Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing for the right reasons.

You can't save everyone.

If you see me running down the street, it's probably a good idea to take cover.

Don't piss off the Chinese.

Nicole Ranadive is the staff writer of 24. Matt Michnovetz is the show's story editor.

Continue reading What I've Learned: Jack Bauer

They Finally Topped Lazy Sunday

Continue reading They Finally Topped Lazy Sunday

In A Perfect World, We'd All Be Watching 'The Wire'

When I watch good television, do you know what I do the next day?

Well, since you asked...

I spend my morning going to my favorite television-related sites and blogs like TV Squad, EW's TV Watch and Chicago Tribune's The Watcher to read what they thought about last night's episode.

I do it with Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, Veronica Mars...

I especially do it with The Wire.

It's such a moving, powerful and incredibly bleak show that I love reading a variety of opinions about it.

But I also find it frustrating because EVERYONE isn't talking about it.

"...after watching the season finale of "The Wire" this week, I wrote up an extended rant about the show and how much it means to me -- both as a writer and a human being -- and how I believe it's the most important show of my lifetime, how I can't remember being more attached to four TV characters than the four school kids from Season 4, how I simply can't fathom why more people wouldn't give it a chance ... but it ended up sounding too preachy, so I'm just going to say that it's my favorite TV show of all-time and leave it at that. Name another show that could peak during a season in which its best character (McNulty) basically disappeared for 12 of the 13 episodes?"
-- Bill Simmons, "The Sports Guy" at ESPN.com

TV Guide, whose columnists recognize, don't cover it in their daily TV recap page, The Watercooler, but cover pretty much every other garbage show this side of reality.

I don't know anyone who could watch one season of this show and not think it was one of the top five dramas they have seen in their lifetime.

It's not immediately gratifying like most dramas. It's like reading a perfect novel. Each episode is a chapter. Some chapters are more exciting than other. Some chapters are quiet but give hints and clues of things that are lurking in the background waiting to make their way to the front. But all of the chapters serve a purpose. When you get to the end, you won't be happy because the world is not a happy place but you will be glad you read the book and will look forward to the next in the series.

It's frustrating that America doesn't watch it and it doesn't win Emmys because of it's predominantly African-American cast and it's urban setting. I find that argument laughable because apparently America can identify with a bunch of amoral mobsters because despite their nature, we find their Italian accents entertaining. Unlike Law & Order, The Wire is the real "ripped from the headlines" television drama. I don't even like when people refer to it as a "cop drama" anymore because it's really a societal drama. It's a show about the breakdowns of society at every level - politically, socially, scholastically, etc.

I'm going to keep trying to convince people to watch this show but I know for the most part, it's for naught.

Fuck it, I'm not going to give up. Join Netflix and put the first three seasons at the top of your Netflix queue right now!

Update: Here's an great interview with David Simon, the co-creator from Slate.

Continue reading In A Perfect World, We'd All Be Watching 'The Wire'

Chris Rock Called It Almost A Decade Ago!

This is from the very first episode of The Chris Rock Show on HBO in 1997



Beat that, Miss Cleo

Continue reading Chris Rock Called It Almost A Decade Ago!

Lost Season Three: "I Do"

FEBRUARY 7th IS SO FAR AWAY!!!!

What I Liked:

• I know people who are going to complain about not getting answers, but damn that was just some damn good television.
  
• Hi. I'm Jack. I went to medical school. I'm not as stupid as you think. Seriously, it was good to see Jack not be an idiot and take everything he gets at face value which has been his biggest problem. He didn't believe he was ever getting off tthe island so he did the only good thing he thought he could do which was get his friends free from The Others.
  
• Nathan Fillon (Mal from Firefly and Serenity) as Kate's husband. Why couldn't he be stuck on the island?
• I loved the looks Juliet was giving Jack during surgery like "So are we killing him or what?"
• I hate to keep saying this but DAMN, Kate is fit!
• You have to feel bad for Jack. His two viable options for island sex - Ana Lucia and Kate - and Sawyer had sex with them both. If he had decided to do the surgery to get off the island, could you blame him?
• I will admit that for a split second, I believed Sawyer was a dead man. That last scene was probably the best acting Evangeline Lilly has done this entire series.
  
• All the people who have been unhappy with Lost and keep saying that they aren't going to watch the show anymore but keep coming back to complain, here's your chance. You have 13 weeks to get used to not watching Lost. Find something else to do from 9-10 PM. So the rest of us who aren't crying about not getting answers week after week and just seeing how the show is going to play out without any preconceived notions about what should happen and when we should be getting information can enjoy the show and the rest of you can talk about Criminal Minds or The O.C. You'll be missed*.
  

What I didn't like:

• I can tell why the producer added more characters (The Others, Nikki, Paulo, One-eyed dude) because the current characters flashbacks are useless. We get it. Jack needs to be in control. Sawyer's a con man. Kate needs to run. Locke is a sap. However, the one good thing is with the exception of Jack (his tattoos), Locke (how he got in the wheelchair) and Desmond (why he was in prison), everyone feels expendable because there's nothing let to learn about the rest of them.
  
• Not enough castaway action
• Our two new castaways didn't have any lines.
• I know Kate was freaking out because Sawyer was thisclose to being shot and Jack was yelling at her, but she couldn't have said "Jack, we're on an island. I'm gonna need more than two hours"
  

What We Learned:

• Kate was married to a cop under the name of Monica
• Kate probably traded in her honeymoon tickets (on Oceanic Airlines) to get to Australia
  
• Sawyer loves Kate.

Questions:

• What was with Kate's 50's hair stylings in her flashback?
• Who was Alex's boyfriend? Karl from the first episode of this season?
• How did Kate get a marriage license?
• Does Kate really love Sawyer? If Kate was in a cage opposite Jack, would she have slept with him? Is Kate with Sawyer because she has nowhere else to run?
• Did Jack mean for only Kate to escape because he never once mentions Sawyer over the walkie talkie? Will Sawyer remember than when/if their paths cross again?
  
• What happened to the 2 "unpleasant" weeks Ben promised Kate during their breakfast in the first episode of this season? Was that a part of his original plan before Juliet screwed it up?
• Why was Ben curious if Alex asked for him? What is their relationship? And why did Juliet lie?
  
• What the odds of one man (Sawyer) having sex with two attractive women on a semi-deserted island from the same plane crash?
• What did the saying on Eko's stick, "Lift up your eyes and look north”, mean to Locke?
• Who is Jacob? What is this "List"? Why wasn't Jack on it?
• Wouldn't it be funny if Jack did the surgery on Ben and he was successful and they just dropped him off on the other island and Ben was like, "I kept my promise"?

*No, you won't

Continue reading Lost Season Three: "I Do"

Lost Season 3: "The Cost of Living"

Don't drink and drive, kids

What I Liked:

• Aw, damn, Mr. Eko
  
• Locke's new "Anyone who wants to come into the forest and die, can come" regime
  
• Again, I love Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet)
  
• Ben's mea culpa to Jack about their plan to break Jack to make him want to operate on Ben's tumor
• Juliet's re-enactment of INXS' "Mediate" music video ("Ignore everything I'm saying. Ben is a liar and he is very dangerous. Some of us want a change, but it has to look like an accident. It has to look like we tried to save him, and that's up to you, Jack. It's a complicated surgery. No one would ever know and I would protect you. Now tell me to turn off the movie.")
• Smokey's back!
  

What I didn't like:

• What was the point of having the tail end survivors?
• I hate that if we know in advance that a character is going to die and a character has their flashback, it's pretty much a given that character is proper fucked.
• I still don't like how the new castaways are being introduced.
• I'll never get tired of thinking this but how much better and shocking would the deaths be with ABC didn't advertise them?
  
• This was my least favorite episode this season (not that it was a bad episode). Even though a lot happened, I felt like nothing happened.
  

What We Learned:

• The tumor Jack saw last episode was Ben's
• Mr. Eko is...er...was building a church to replace the one he desecrated
• The reason Ben brought Jack to the Others was to operate on his tumor
• Mr. Eko was mighty handy with a machete
• How the the pilot died in the first episode of Lost
• There's another hatch on the island we haven't seen
• There are Others who aren't down with however Ben operates
• Juliet wants Jack to help her kill Ben
• If you are a cast member and you get arrested, call your agent.
  

Questions:

• Did Desmond know that Eko was going to die?
  
• Where was Sun and Jin?
  
• Who's telling the truth - Ben or Juliet?
  
• Did the smoke monster take the form of Yemi? Is it the source of all unexplained hallucinations (Jack's dad, Hurley's imaginary friend)?
  
• What is the smoke monster's criteria for killing?
• Was the smoke monster going to kill Locke when it grabbed him at the season finale of season one?
  
• Who is the one-eyed man?
• Where is the hatch they saw on the video screen?
• Where does the water from that toliet go?
  
• Why do they need Kate and Sawyer?
• Why did Locke see a bright light and Mr. Eko a black column of smoke? Is the island racist? OR are there two monsters?
• When Mr. Eko told Locke "You're next", did he mean the group or Locke?
  

Continue reading Lost Season 3: "The Cost of Living"

Lost Season 3: "Every Man For Himself"

You got served, Sawyer.

What I Liked:

• The interactions between Jack and Juliet. I like that Jack is finally getting his backbone back.
  
• On the opposite end, Sawyer totally got his balls taken away from him.
  
• Once again, Ben can break anyone. I hope it's Kate's turn next.
• Two Deadwood folks on one episode (Paula Malcomson as Colleen and Kim Dickens as Cassidy).
• Even though I knew the pacemaker was fake (they couldn't operate on a gunshot wound, I doubt they could do heart surgery), it was funny seeing Sawyer's heart rate go up while Kate was changing (who's wouldn't?)
  

What I didn't like:

• The backstories are becoming more and more useless. This one was okay but again, if we didn't have it, I wouldn't have been mad.
• How they are treating the new castaways like they've always been there and we just haven't noticed.
• I didn't want Colleen to die. Not because of the character but because Paula Malcomson is such a great actress and it seems like such a waste.
  

What We Learned:

• Sawyer went to prison for the con he pulled in "The Long Con" episode
  
• Sawyer has a daughter named Clementine
• Juliet was a fertility doctor
  
• Ben can still manipulate the hell out of anyone
  
• There are TWO islands which explains why the castaways having a boat made them nervous
• Why they need Jack
• Desmond can still see into the future and change it as he sees fit
• Kate is more important to Sawyer than Sawyer is to Sawyer
  
• Ben hates needles
  

Questions:

• Again, what is the nature of Desmond's prescience?
• Where was Locke and Eko?
  
• Who's X-rays were those?
• Is operating on whomever's spinal tumor that is the "favor" Ben wants to ask of Jack?
  
• How did the castaways never notice another island?
• What side of the island is the second island on?
• Is the little Others community we saw in the first episode on this second island or is it on the one with the castaways?
• Why do they need Kate and Sawyer?
• Considering her field, did Juliet also attend to Claire when she was in captivity?
• What happens when the Others find out Sun is pregnant?
• Can The Others have children? Is that why they keep trying to steal them?
  
• Is Ben trying to spark something between Juliet and Jack?
• Was Kate lying when she told Sawyer she didn't really love him?
• How long will it take Sayid, Jin and Sun to get back to the beach?
• Will Danny take revenge on the castaways of Colleen's death?
  

Continue reading Lost Season 3: "Every Man For Himself"

Lost Season 3: "Further Instructions"

You've been missed, John.

What I Liked:

• Locke is back! The Hunter, not the Whiny baby.
  
• Boone!
• The trippy airport scene (it reminded me of the UK promo for the first season of Lost). Great metaphor with Ben, as the "baggage handler" (get it?), examining Jack while Sawyer and Kate flirt on the side.
  
• Hurley's back! "Dude"
• Charlie had some great lines:
• "You're not taking drugs are you John? I only ask because of this strict zero tolerance policy you've enacted. I wouldn't want you to have to start punching yourself in the face."
• "I used to get high and watch nature programs on the Beeb."
• "You are aware John that I detest you?"
• This episode felt more like old school Lost
  

What I didn't like:

• The backstory was okay. We get it. Locke is sucker. But now we now he's a hypocrite too in regard to Charlie
  
• I missed Ben and Juliet (that will be solved next week it appears)
• How they chose to introduce the two new Losties, Paulo and Nikki.
  

What We Learned:

• What happened to Locke, Desmond and Mr. Eko
• What became of the Hatch (it imploded)
  
• Where the other bear has been since he tried to eat Walt.
• Locke is a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to drugs

Questions:

• What is the nature and source of Desmond's prophetic new talent?
• Boone's comments regarding Claire, Charlie and Aaron - "They're okay...for now"
• How did Locke, Desmond and Mr. Eko survive the implosion of the Hatch?
• Where is the smoke monster? I was rewatching some of the first season and remember when it was knocking trees down ALL THE TIME. Did he get bored?
  
• Why did the polar bear kill an animal for food, leave it, return to it, chase Charlie and Locke but only drag Mr. Eko back to his cave but didn't even eat a toe?
• Who's toy truck was that in the polar bear's cave?
• How did Hurley make it back to that side of the island so fast?
• How long will it take Sayid, jin and Sun to do the same?
  
• After Locke almost killed Hurley, is every major character going to be accidentally killed by another?
• Did Eko really wake up or was the island talking to Locke?
• Why is Charlie such a twat?
• Is the island really have some mystical properties? I mean we all thought Locke was a bit off when he was hunting for the hatch and all in season one but his "sweat lodge" gave him a clear vision of what was going on all over the island and the polar bear.
• Is the show going to spend time with either the castaways or the Others or will the episodes be more intregrated?
  

Continue reading Lost Season 3: "Further Instructions"

Lost Season 3: "The Glass Ballerina"

So far, so good...

What I Liked:

• I can see why Ben singled out Jack as the one to try and turn. Sawyer and Kate are fighters.
  
• Oh my God! Trixie from Deadwood!!! I was excited until Sun shot her. Someone else hire her.
  
• I feel like they really aren't holding back with information regarding The Others after two seasons of almost nothing
• Alex!
  
• Sawyer using kissing Kate as an excuse to size up The Others
• Kate doing manual labor (I would have kissed her too)
  
• Jin not being as dumb as Sayid and Sun think he is
• Sawyer: "You taste like strawberries"
  Kate: "You taste like fish cookies"

What I didn't like:

• Did Sayid not know that Jin was pregnant? Has he taken up the "dickhead" mantle in Jack's absence?
  
• Why does everyone, including his wife, continue to talk in front of Jin in English like he's retarded? He was already picking up words from Michael and body language is as big an indicator as language.
• Even though there was more action per se, this episode felt a little slower.
• Sayid must have been a horrible soldier. He does not have "home field advantage". He shouldn't have assumed that he had the only way onto the beach covered. The Others have shown themselves more than adapt to go wherever the hell they want and not be seen.
• I wish Sun didn't shoot Colleen (aforementioned Trixie). Deadwood's been cancelled and she needs the work.
• After all the smarts Sawyer showed in sizing up his captors, he was stupid speak his observations so loudly.
• That I had to re-live the Red Sox winning the fucking World Series on my favorite TV show.
  

Answers:

• Henry's full name (Benjamin Linus)
• The whole island is outfitted with cameras
• The odds that Sun is carrying Jin's baby are slim to none
• Time does pass normally on the island as it does in the real world (unless Ben is lying)
  
• They have been on the island for 66 days.
• Ben has been on the island his whole life (unless Ben is lying)
• Juliet never made Ben soup

Questions:

• Again, what was the relationship between Ben and Juliet before the plane crash?
• Ben's been there all his life? Was he born there? What about everyone else who appears younger than him?
  
• Where are all the kids they kidnapped from the Tallies?
  
• What does Ben want Jack to do and will he do it?
• Did Jae commit suicide or did Sun's father send backup in case Jin punked out?
• If The Others are "the good guys", why have they killed or tried to kill so many? What is their definition of "good"?
  
• Why hasn't Alex (the girl Kate was talking to) tried to find her mother, Danielle, the crazy French lady?
• Was Karl imprisoned for helping Alex get away?
• Where is Karl now?
  
• What's left to tell in Sun and Jin's backstory?
  

Continue reading Lost Season 3: "The Glass Ballerina"

Lost Season 3: "A Tale of Two Cities"

I know I'm late but with the Yankees out of the playoffs so soon I have plenty of time to do this. I'm going comment, question, whine and drool over this season of Lost. Spoilers go without saying.

What I Liked:

• Great opening. Better than last season's opener with Desmond. I knew they were on the island but it was great seeing the plane crash from their perspective and seeing Henr...I mean...Ben take charge immediately.
  
• As much as I like the mythology and mystery surrounding Lost, I think I prefer the character studies more. I felt this was one of the better flashbacks in terms of how it related to the characters current situation. I feel like Jack could possibly change. Which is good because he's a dick.
• The breakfast with Kate and Ben. I'm glad that Ben is going to continue to be as creepy as he was in Season Two.
• Elizabeth Mitchell as Juliet. She is a great addition to the cast and clearly is going to have something with Jack this season.

What I didn't like:

• There wasn't anything I really disliked but if I had to pick something I would say the Sawyer in the cage portions of the episode.

Answers:

• I guess Goodwin and Ethan were the two deceased infiltrators' real names
• We know what drove Jack's father back to the bottle
• Considering the CD, CDs, ovens and, oh yeah, Jack's entire history in a file, The Others have contact with the outside world
• Walt was right. The whole "Others" act was just that an act.
• Kate looks great in a dress
• The Others are responsible somehow for the bears that attacked Walt and Sawyer in season one and the shark that stalked Michael and Sawyer in season two.
• Henry Gale's real name is Ben. How anti-climatic. Why couldn't be something menacing like Rasputin?
• There's a Hydra station.
  

Questions:

• Obviously, what is the deal with The Others? Are the know longer connect to the Dharma Initiative as Juliet hints?
  
• What was the relationship between Ben and Juliet? Obviously, there was a reason he wasn't invited to the book club in the beginning and, whatever it was, I'm sure it worse since he was willing to let her drown with Jack in the aquarium.
• Is Mr. Friendly gay or is there some sort of Others stick with their own type credo behind him telling Kate she's not his type? (Making the potential Jack/Juliet pairing even more interesting...plus her name is Juliet)
• Why was Karl locked up across from Sawyer? Was he a plant to elicit information and reactions from Sawyer or did he actually do something?
• What happened to Kate from the time she had breakfast with Ben to the time she was brought to the cage? When she reached out for the biscuit that Sawyer threw, her wrist were deeply bruised as if she was struggling to free herself.
• What is there left to find out about Jack's backstory?
  

Continue reading Lost Season 3: "A Tale of Two Cities"

Poor Mindy Kaling

I thought I saw it but I wasn't sure...

Continue reading Poor Mindy Kaling

Finally...

Justice






Equally awesome...



Too bad no one from Lost was there.

I know, I know, get over it.

Continue reading Finally...

Damn you, Braff

First Arrested Development, now this...

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/article/ds36132.html

Braff to quit 'Scrubs' to make movies
Tuesday, August 22 2006, 09:57 BST - by David Cribb
Zach Braff has admitted he will quit Scrubs at the end of the current series.

The actor, who plays John 'JD' Dorian in the comedy wants to concentrate on his movie career, following the success of his film Garden State.

He told Premiere magazine: "My guess is that this will be my last season (on Scrubs). Whether or not they continue without me, I don't know. I have had this amazing run on the show and I love it and I'm so grateful, but I want to make movies full time."

I hope they cancel than try to keep it going without him. All the episodes are called "My ______" in reference to JD's life. What would they do? "Turk's Baby"? "Carla's Itchy Back"?

Sigh

Continue reading Damn you, Braff

Don't Call Me During...: Fall 2006 Edition

well, since Prison Break premiered last night, I guess now is as good a time as any to let you know when I am NOT going to be picking up the phone and you will lose points if you even attempt to call me (yes, even during commercials):

Sunday:
7:00 PM - 7:30 PM: Everybody Hates Chris (CW Hates Chris too. What a dreadful timeslot)
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: The Simpsons (unless it is a Lisa or singing episode)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Desperate Housewives*/Family Guy
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Brothers and Sisters/The Wire

Monday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: How I Met Your Mother (I'm equally as excited about the return of Barney's blog)
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Prison Break (I'm happy they got William Fichtner from Invasion)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Heroes (X-Men the TV shows. Please don't suck)/Runaway* (I don't know about this one but AICN said it was one of the 5 best new shows)
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Studio 60 on Sunset Strip (My favorite "Friend" Matthew Perry is back to stop the Friends curse before it begins)/What About Brian? (I heard they completely retooled this show...any change has to be an improvement)

Tuesday:
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Standoff* (I'll give anything starring Gina Torres** a quick look)/Friday Night Lights (I still haven't seen the movie but I'm still in for a show about high school football)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: House (After a number of recommendations, I am finally adding it to the roster but if Scrubs returns at this slot, House is House-d)/Veronica Mars (CW, don't cancel this show. Please.)
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Nip/Tuck (basically anything F/X airs at this time slot will be watched)/Smith* (Ray Liotta weekly? I'll give it a shot)

Wednesday:
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Bones
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: 30 Rock (Don't screw this up like you screwed up SNL, Tina Fey)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Lost (Was there any doubt?)
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: The Nine (next to Heroes, this is the new show I am most excited about)/Kidnapped (if you put this cast in a movie, I might have considered seeing it)

Thursday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: My Name Is Earl
8:30 PM - 9:00 PM: The Office (this is where it gets interesting as they have surpassed the episode count of the BBC version, not counting the two specials)
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Smallville (Still want to see how they solve "the problem")
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Grey's Anatomy/The O.C.* (I said if they ever got rid of Misha Barton, I'd start watching. Just keeping my word)
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Six Degrees (I'll give anything J.J. Abrams does a chance)

Friday
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Battlestar Galatica

Saturday:
Watching all the shows I missed on DVR and downloaded episodes of Weeds***

Yes, I know it goes without saying that I am committed to too much television. One day, someone is going to have to explain to me why this is such a bad thing.

* On Probation
** I meant to add her to The List
** *Viva La BitTorrent

Continue reading Don't Call Me During...: Fall 2006 Edition

Don't Call Me During...- Summer Edition

I know what you are wondering.

What does a TV-holic such as myself watch during the summer?:

Sunday:
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Deadwood/The 4400/Chappelle's Show: The Lost Episodes
10:00 PM - 10:30 PM: Entourage
10:30 PM - 11:00 PM: The Venture Brothers/Dane Cook's Tourgasm/Reno 911
11:00 PM - 11:30 PM: Lucky Louie

Tuesday:
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Rescue Me

Wednesday:
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Blade: The Series*/Project Runway*
10:00 PM - 11:15 PM: Hustle

Thursday:
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia/Hex (BBC's Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

Friday
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Monk
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Psych*

What do I do with all my free time? I watch my Netflix movies. I have a queue of 300 so there's no better time than now to blow through it. I'm also going to try and read some of the Harry Potter books (breaking with my previous stance) and teach myself sign language or French.

Yeah, I don't think I'll be doing all that either.

* On probation

Continue reading Don't Call Me During...- Summer Edition

I Watch Too Much TV Pt. 846,213

I just realized that everything I know about epilepsy I learned from an episode of Degrassi Junior High when Caitlin went to the sleep over against her mother's wishes and didn't take her medicine because she was trying to fit in and she had a seizure.

Basically, I don't know anything about epilepsy.

Continue reading I Watch Too Much TV Pt. 846,213

Emmy Nominations 2006: The Yays, Nays and WTFs

So much for BIG changes at the Emmys this year that everyone has been talking about...

The Yays:

• 24 getting 12 nominations (the most). It's about time they noticed how great this show is.
• Grey's Anatomy getting 11. I'm a believer now.
• Arrested Development getting nominated for Best Comedy Series giving it a chance to pull a Ben Stiller ¹
• Desperate Housewives getting shut out of the Best Comedy Series nomination because this season really did suck
• The Girl in the Cafe getting a nominated for TV movie because I really liked it even though it was a little preachy
• Gregory Itzin (President Logan) & Jean Smart (Martha Logan) getting supporting nods for 24.
  
• Will Arnett (G.O.B.) getting a supporting nod for Arrested Development
• The Office and Scrubs getting best comedy series nominations
• Dennis Leary getting a best acting nomination. Never thought I'd see that day come.
• Patrick Stewart getting nominated for his guest stint on Extras. "Make it so!"
• Chandra Wilson (Dr. Bailey) getting a supporting nomination for Grey's Anatomy
• Jaime Pressley getting nominated for My Name Is Earl. Never thought she would get nominated for anything in her life except maybe a Cinemax Lifetime Achievement Award but she deserved it.
  

The Nays:

• The Two And A Half Men Enigma continues. Best Comedy Series? Really? So out of all the shows on television, Two and A Half Men is funnier than Entourage, How I Met Your Mother, Extras, Everybody Hates Chris and My Name Is Earl? Who votes for these things?
• The supposed "Lauren Graham Rule" didn't nab Lauren Graham a nomination. That's just ironic.
• Now I think Kevin James (The King of Queens) is a funny guy. But is he one of the five funniest actors in television?
  
• No acting nominations for Scrubs. C'mon, at least Donald Faison (Turk) deserved some Emmy love.
• I really wanted T.R. Knight (Dr. George O'Malley) from Grey's Anatomy to be nominated
  
• Aside from Steve Carell, no other actors were nominated from The Office.
• How does House get nominated but the actor the show pretty much revolves around and depends on, Hugh Laurie, doesn't?
• Michael Hall (David Fisher) deserved a nomination more than Peter Krause (Nate Fisher) for Six Feet Under
• Still no love for Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe) from 24.
• Double ditto for Veronica Mars or Kristin Bell.
• Triple Ditto for Battlestar Galactica and Mary McDonnell and Edward James Olmos. You'd think Lost would have opened up the possibility of a sci-fi show getting some love. Speaking of Lost...

The WTFs:

• No major nominations for Lost?!?! This must be a joke. Please let this be a joke.
• How does Edie Falco NOT get nominated for Best Actress in a Drama? Episodes 2 and 3 should have not only made her a lock to get nominated, I thought her name was already engraved on the statue. I wasn't the only one.
• The Shield? NOTHING?!? At LEAST Forest Whitaker should have been a shoo-in.
  
• I love that the only major acting nomination for Desperate Housewives was for Alfre Woodard who was forgotten about on a number of occasions this season and then chased off at the end of this crap season. She gets the last laugh.
• Still waiting for this Lost joke to be over.
  

¹ The Ben Stiller Show took home the 1993 Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Variety Series after it was cancelled.

Continue reading Emmy Nominations 2006: The Yays, Nays and WTFs

Matt Groening Found Fry's Lucky Seven Leaf Clover

BACK TO THE 'FUTURAMA'
By DON KAPLAN

June 22, 2006 -- 'FUTURAMA" is officially back from the dead.

The quirky animated show from "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening was canceled by Fox about two years ago, but will return with at least 13 new episodes on Comedy Central by 2008.

This is only the second time in television history that a show sent to TV's trash heap has been resurrected. Curiously, the first was "Family Guy," also an animated Fox show.
The tale of "Futurama's" dramatic revival roughly follows that same path that "Family Guy" did.

In both cases, the shows have been successfully airing on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim late-night programming block. They both also turned into hot-selling DVD box sets.

"Family Guy" returned to Fox earlier this year, while last fall, Comedy Central outbid Adult Swim for the license to air all 52 episodes of "Futurama" and whatever new episodes might one day be produced.

This week, deals were inked to secure all of the original voice talent and the production staff of "Futurama," paving the way for the series' return to TV.

The show stars voice-over megastar Billy West (whose elastic vocal chords have provided the voices for nearly 120 different cartoons) as Philip J. Fry, a bumbling slacker from the 20th century who is accidentally cryogenically frozen in 1999 and wakes up 1,000 years later.

It is believed that the new episodes will also be released on DVD.

"Futurama" star Katey Sagal confirmed the return of the show on Comedy Central Tuesday night during an appearance on Craig Ferguson's "Late Late Show."

On Fox, "Futurama" never developed the same buzz or following of its sister show, "The Simpsons," but has since become one of the biggest shows on Adult Swim.

Fox may also have the option to air the new episodes, although it is highly unlikely to do so, according to industry sources.

Continue reading Matt Groening Found Fry's Lucky Seven Leaf Clover

Open Letter to Samm Levine

You are a pretty funny actor.

But after your appearance on "Entourage" last night, I think it's time for you to fire your agent.

You are 24 years old and you have been playing the high school geek for the better part of your acting career.

Not to say you are not good at it.

But, c'mon, buddy, this is getting ridiculous.

Take some HGH and get diesel.

Continue reading Open Letter to Samm Levine

Melanism.com Endorses "How I Met Your Mother"

After last night's episode, this has become my third favorite comedy on TV (following Scrubs and The Office)

On paper, this shouldn't work. I don't find Allyson Hannigan funny, Jason Segal only works in things produced by Judd Apatow and Bob Saget is the narrator.

But one man makes this all work.

Neil Patrick Harris.

His Barney is one of the best comedy characters on TV right now.

On top of that, his blog is hilarious.

After being on probation for a while, this show is starting to fire on all cylinders.

So if you trust me, start watching this show.

Because if it gets cancelled because of poor ratings, it's your fault.

Continue reading Melanism.com Endorses "How I Met Your Mother"

Girl I'll House You

Shut up! I'm House, bitch.

I have never watched an episode of House M.D. I would like to but there was always something else on I'd rather be watching (this year, it has been My Name Is Earl, The Office and now, Scrubs).

But from all the commercials I've seen during 24 this is how I imagine an episode goes:

• A patient comes in (sometimes a guest star) deathly ill
• The other not-House doctors come up with a diagnosis
• House listens to the doctors then says "WRONG"
• House comes up with is own crazy solution
• The not-House doctors despite 3 seasons or so says "He's crazy" and treat him normally
• Then someone related to the patient (family, friend, lover, babysitter, etc.) reveals some information that proves that House, despite not having this information, was completely correct
• The doctors rush to implement House's plan from 45 minutes ago
• The patient lives
• House says "Told you so"

Please let me know if I'm wrong.

Continue reading Girl I'll House You

The Man Behind The Mayhem

"It's selfish and self-absorbed and it's a dangerous thing, thinking that if you work really hard, you should be able to reward yourself by going out and getting shit-faced. I should be able to wake up in the morning without going, 'Oh, no! Where's my boot?' Or 'Where am I?' Or 'One of your friends didn't happen to bring my car home, did they?'..."

Continue reading The Man Behind The Mayhem

Helllloooooo Nurse!

July 25th!!!

Continue reading Helllloooooo Nurse!

You Should Be Watching The Office on NBC

The Office's The More You Know PSAs

Continue reading You Should Be Watching The Office on NBC

Stephen King Worships The Same TV Shows I Do

Because We're Both Losers

Continue reading Stephen King Worships The Same TV Shows I Do

Heat Vision & Jack

Continue reading Heat Vision & Jack

Don't Call Me During...- 2006 Edition (Revised)

It's been a month and I have already have had to make changes.

New stuff is in yellow

Sunday:
7:00 PM - 9:00 PM: 24 (A&E repeats, the second season is just as good the second time around)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Mile High*/Family Guy*/American Dad*/Desperate Housewives**/
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Grey's Anatomy (off probabtion)

Monday:
8:30 PM - 9:00 PM: How I Met Your Mother ("Doogie" makes this show)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: 24
10:00 PM - 10:30 PM: Real World/Road Rules Challenge (The best thing about DVR is I can fast forward all the challenges)

Tuesday:
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Scrubs
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: The Shield/Love Monkey*

Wednesday:
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Lost
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Invasion (Still no sign of Alias coming back)

Thursday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: Everybody Hates Chris/Four Kings* (at the behest of my coworkers)
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Smallville (on probation)
9:00 PM - 9:30 PM: My Name Is Earl
9:30 PM - 10:00 PM: The Office

Friday
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Monk/Battlestar Galatica

Saturday:
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Hu$tle
Watching all the shows I missed on DVR and downloaded episodes of The L Word***

* Viva La DVR
** It's my brother's fault
*** I miss Showtime but unless they acquire Arrested Development, Viva La Bittorrent!

Continue reading Don't Call Me During...- 2006 Edition (Revised)

Smallville's Elephant in the Room

So I started watching Smallville this season, inspired by my roommate's summer long binge on the DVD sets for seasons 1-3.

There was a reason I didn't watch this show. When I started watching it, I forgot what that reason was. But now I remember...

(Warning: I'm going to geek out for a minute)

Now, even they are taking many liberties with the comic and even Richard Donner's Superman film, the basic premise is that Clark is going to grow up to become Superman and Lex will become his mortal enemy.

But if these two guys grew up together and had such an interaction, especially with Lex constantly suspicious of Clark and the "miracles" that seem to befall the residents of Smallville (especially Lana Lang, Clark's only love), how is Lex NOT going to know that Clark is Superman when they get to Metropolis?

Matter of fact, now that they [the writers/producers] got bored and decided to add Lois Lane to the everyday cast and who happens to be living with The Kents, how is Lois not going to know that this farmboy is Superman when they start working together at the Daily Planet in the future?

(I know that pre-Crisis, Clark & Lex knew each other as children. Thank God that fixed that because that was equally problematic)

The first time I heard of this show being made. The first thing I thought was Clark Kent's disguise is flimsy enough but now he is supposed to have known Lex since he was in high school and this future genius won't be able to put 1+1 together and figure out Clark and Superman are one and the same. Riiiiight.

I'll keep watching but I know that whatever they do to make Clark slip under everyone's radar when they become adults (whether he be collective amnesia or some crystal that Zor-El has left him in the Fortress of Solitude), it will be a HUGE deus ex machina (Not as big as Superman reversing time by flying around the Earth in the opposite direction, but big nonetheless).

I look forward to being disappointed. God knows I love to have things to complain about.

(I should have titled this "No P For Me Part II")

Continue reading Smallville's Elephant in the Room

DVR alert: Dave Chappelle on Oprah

Friday, February 3rd

I wonder if Chappelle's skit about fathering Oprah's love child will come up.

Continue reading DVR alert: Dave Chappelle on Oprah

Bye UPN and WB

This better not affect the following:

• Veronica Mars
• Smallville
• Everybody Hates Chris
• Girlfriends (it kills time on syndication)

Otherwise, bye Cuts and Eve and South Beach and Twins and Summerland and all those other crap shows that reminds us why we pay for cable.

Continue reading Bye UPN and WB

America's Next Top Idol

Why do we still care about American Idol or America's Next Top Model?

Between the winners and runner-ups of both those shows, only Kelly Clarkson is doing anything noteworthy (and no, Adrienne Curry getting engaged to the Brady guy and doing Playboy is not a step forward)

Obviously, this show doesn't work.

But every year, it comes back stronger than ever.

And ruining the TV schedule because now I can't watch Bones (to make room for Idol, they moved Bones to Wednesday at 9 PM up against Lost and Veronica Mars.)

America, give up.

Continue reading America's Next Top Idol

There is no need to watch SNL

The internet will show you what was funny...

Continue reading There is no need to watch SNL

Racist Stuff I Laugh At - PSP Ads

Squirrel, please?

Continue reading Racist Stuff I Laugh At - PSP Ads

Don't Call Me During...- 2006 Edition

With the fall season coming back and the midseason replacements kicking in, lose my phone number during these times of the day:

Sunday:
7:00 PM - 9:00 PM: 24 (A&E repeats, the second season is just as good the second time around)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Mile High*/Family Guy*/American Dad*/Desperate Housewives**/
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Grey's Anatomy (on probation)

Monday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: Arrested Development (2 episodes left. Sigh)
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: 24
10:00 PM - 10:30 PM: Real World/Road Rules Challenge (The best thing about DVR is I can fast forward all the challenges)

Tuesday:
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Scrubs (Should I be concerned that NBC is showing two episodes at a time? Did they film that many episodes or are they trying to be done with this show as soon as possible?)
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: The Shield/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit*

Wednesday:
9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Lost (the perfect hump day show)
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Invasion (I wish Alias had this slot still. You think Lost is unfolding slow? Try Invasion.)

Thursday:
8:00 PM - 8:30 PM: Everybody Hates Chris
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Smallville (if Alias is put up against it when it comes back, I may have to give up on this little experiment)
9:00 PM - 9:30 PM: My Name Is Earl
9:30 PM - 10:00 PM: The Office

Friday
10:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Battlestar Galatica

Saturday:
Watching all the shows I missed on DVR and downloaded episodes of The L Word***

Yes, I know it goes without saying that I am committed to too much television. One day, someone is going to have to explain to me why this is such a bad thing.

* Viva La DVR
** It's my brother's fault
*** I miss Showtime but unless they acquire Arrested Development, Viva La Bittorrent!

Continue reading Don't Call Me During...- 2006 Edition

Fox's "24" = Right Wing Propaganda

C'mon, the writing is on the wall.

Think of all the rights and liberties we've lost or been threatened.

warrants? Wiretapping? Torture?

Jack Bauer breaks them for shits and giggles.

And we cheer!

Plus, it's on FOX.

(Please note: Arrested Development, which occasionally took shots at the Bush Administration, is constantly having its episode orders cut despite the fact that The War At Home and Stacked are also on the channel)

Fuck it.

I still love it though.

January 15th can't come soon enough.

Continue reading Fox's "24" = Right Wing Propaganda

Looks like the entire SNL season wasn't a waste of time

I missed this when it first aired

Continue reading Looks like the entire SNL season wasn't a waste of time

Lazy Sunday

Continue reading Lazy Sunday

The day we all feared has finally come.

Arrested Development got it's order cut down to 13 episodes and will be cancelled after its over.

Is America too stupid for smart comedy?



This really hurts my feelings.

Don't call me today.

I need to mourn.

Continue reading The day we all feared has finally come.

I Love The 90's in Scratch & Sniff

I hope when they do "I Love the 90's" again, they'll reminisce about when VH-1 used to play adult contemporary videos.

I would love to hear Hal Sparks, Patrice O'Neal and Michael Ian Black talk about how their livelihoods cost one genre of music it's only outlet to show it's music videos.

I'm sure we'd all laugh.

Continue reading I Love The 90's in Scratch & Sniff

Requiem For A Hatch

http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2005/10/darren_aronofsk.html

Darren Aronofsky will direct 'Lost'

Who knew cult director Darren Aronofsky was a fan of the boob tube? The Requiem for a Dream helmer has just signed on to direct an episode of ABC’s Lost, which will likely air at the beginning of May sweeps. “It was one of those fantastic calls out of the blue,” says Lost exec producer Carlton Cuse. “His agents let us know he liked the show, and we jumped at the opportunity. Apparently, he had been watching Lost while up in Montreal shooting The Fountain and got hooked.” Speaking of which, won’t this interfere with completing Fountain, the director’s six years-in-the-making sci-fi epic starring fiancée Rachel Weisz and Hugh Jackman? “I think he will be done,” speculates Cuse. “We scheduled it so that is coming on the heels of finishing The Fountain. And we will try to put together a story that will be well-suited for Darren’s talents and visual imagination.”

Continue reading Requiem For A Hatch